“Totally understandable,” Heather said. “But at the same time, you have to evaluate each person for who they are, not for what the guy before them did.”
“I know. But the same things are starting to happen. At what point is it okay for me to let my panic take over?” I chewed on a fingernail.
“Never. Panic is not a good look, Jada.” Heather cleared her throat. “I wish I was there to take you for coffee and a movie, but I’m not. You just need to relax, give it some time. If things don’t change and you aren’t happy in a few weeks, then by all means … kick him to the curb. But from where I’m sitting, he seems like a good guy and you’re just letting your raging insecurities get the better of you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
I smiled to myself. Heather got me in a way that no one else really did. Her way of cutting through the crap and just telling me what I needed to hear could be painful, but if it was what I needed, she would lay it out there.
“You know, he hasn’t even said he loves me, Heather.” I shrugged to myself. “Maybe I feel more than he does.”
“That could be good or bad. I mean, maybe you’re right. Maybe you’re into him way more than he is into you,” she said. Her tone was matter-of-fact.
My heart dropped at her admission. A huge dose of sadness swamped me and took me under. That was my biggest fear … that this relationship was predominantly a one-way street and that one way was leading to Heart Break City for me.
“Or,” she emphasized, “maybe it’s not a word he just throws around, you know? It could be that he’s saving it for the right time.”
I took a sip of my wine, shaking my head. “Why can’t you ever just say what I want to hear?”
Heather chuckled. “Because I’m a good friend. You know better than to ask me shit if you don’t want my real answer. There’s no sugarcoating here.”
“Thanks,” I said, half sarcastically.
“Anytime.”
I laughed easily. “Okay, I’m going to drink this glass of wine, take a hot bath with candles and bubbles alone, because we all know Cane won’t be by tonight, and then go to bed with this hot fighter named Deacon, I think.”
“I’m guessing that’s a book boyfriend I’ve never heard of, and I’m disappointed you haven’t shared him with me yet.”
“You’re the only person I’d share my boyfriends with.” I laughed.
“That’s going a little too far.” Heather cracked up, making me smile. “Okay. Brian is on his way over anyway, so I need to go.”
A pang of guilt twisted its way through me. “How are things with him? I’m a bad friend. I didn’t even ask.”
“This call was about you. I’ll call you one day, and it will be about me. I won’t even let you say anything but, ‘Explain that more, Heather.’”
“Make sure you do that. Now go get ready for your man.”
“Talk to you soon.”
CANE
The lines on the drawings were starting to blur, each line indicating a wall or a utility line starting to become one large, unintelligible mass.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I needed to find some peace. I tried to focus on what would be the patio in Project AH, as Max had begun to call it. It was going to be the best part of the entire project, the focal point for the intended buyer.
That is if I can get it finished.
The tension of the last few days finally caught up with me with throbbing pain behind my temples. I got up from my desk and made my way down the stairs and to my kitchen. I grabbed the bottle of tequila and poured a shot, slamming the liquid back, feeling the burn as it went down.
The house felt so empty, cavernous … lonely.
How did I never notice this before?
I looked around the room, realizing for the first time how cold everything seemed; how much I missed the little things that told me Jada had been around.
