“You bitch! I did every mothafuckin’ thing for you! Everything! I starved for you! I always made sure you were good! I took care of you! I loved you like you came out of me! The one time I found something good for myself, you had to try to take that too? Why? Why? Why? Why?” Each of thewhyswas punctuated by a severe punch to the bag.
Her vision blurred so badly that she couldn’t even see where her punches landed anymore. She only hoped Savio steered clear.
And he did. He let her go at it until pure exhaustion won out and weighed her down. She slumped onto the ground and sobbed as she thought about her sister. She wondered if life would ever feel okay to live again, without her sister’s shit weighing her down.
Savio had tears in his eyes too. The only reason she knew that was because he had grabbed her by the shoulders, shifting her attention from the blurred floor to him. He kneeled in front of her with tears leaking from his eyes as he looked at her with a mixture of worry and love. “I know this shit is hard. I know we’ve only had one way of livin’ since we was born, but shit has changed now. You don’t have your sister, and I don’t got my lil homie.
“You know what we do got though? We got each other. You all I got in this whole world, and don’t think for a second Cassydie and Cell are gonna let us count them out. They family too. I ain’t sayin’ we gotta forget about the families we came up wit’, but I am sayin’ we gotta find a way to move forward.”
Cashmere allowed his words to sink in as her chest heaved. She didn’t see how that could even be possible, but she did notice that it felt like a weight had been lifted from her. Though she had spent the past few weeks doing nothing but crying, it feltgood to really get those emotions out of her. As always, Savio knew exactly what she needed, while she felt like she didn’t know anything anymore.
Wait. There was one thing she knew. One thing that felt concrete amidst the chaos. She tried to blink away her tears so she could see Savio’s face.
“I love you.” Savio offered her a smile that felt like it had the power to put her back together again, so she said it again. “I love you. I love you in a way I have never loved anyone before.
“For weeks, I have been terrified that you were going to leave me because of what Ivoree did. Let’s be honest . . . you have every right to. I was a bitch to you on purpose, thinking that if I pushed you away it wouldn’t hurt as much as you leaving. But I don’t want you to go, Sav. I don’t want to keep pushing you away.
“I love you so much it hurts. I don’t want to live a life without you, the security you bring me, and your guidance. I want to learn how to live life without my sister. I want to come to terms with what she did and the fact that she was sick without me knowing. I want to learn how to accept the fact that my image of her was incorrect. I want to forgive her and myself for the pain I caused you. Please, just don’t leave me.”
“Listen to me, Precious. God himself gon’ have to come down from Heaven and slap me on the back of the neck wit’ his sandal before I leave you. I can’t believe that’s what you been thinkin’ these past few weeks. Leavin’ you was the last thing on my mind. It actually wasn’t even a thought. All I wanted was to mourn together. All I ever want is to be up under you. I don’t blame you. You ain’t did nothing wrong but love someone with your entire being. I wouldn’t love you if you ain’t love yo’ sister like that.
“Truth be told, your love for her made me pay more attention to you in the beginning because it showed me you were capable of real feelings. I needed that shit. I’ve spent so long being hardto the world and puttin’ up a front that I ain’t need nobody. You made me look at things differently.
“I need you to stop worryin’ ’bout me leavin’ you. I ain’t goin’ nowhere, and your weak ass attempts to push me away ain’t work. I been tryna tell you for the longest that we locked in. Hopefully you can see that now.”
She did. She saw everything clearer than she ever had. Ivoree was never meant to be her end all, be all, but Savio? Yeah. He was and forever would be her infinity.
Savio’soriginal plan had been to stay at his house in Desmore Bay for only a couple of days.
Here they were almost three weeks later, still enjoying the ocean and the solitude.
Security had set up shop and were in rotation, and for the first time in his life, Savio felt comfortable enough not to be on high alert.
Since the boxing gym, he and Cashmere had only left the house to go shopping. Other than that, they did what he’d been wanting all along. They mourned together, they laughed together, they talked, and they loved on each other. Inside the intimacy of the home, healing took place, and Savio thanked God every day for that.
“You know I have to get back to Ellwood in a couple of days, right?” Cashmere asked as she lazily traced the tattoo on his chest.
They’d just gotten done making love, and they were both lost in their thoughts, a comfortable silence embracing them.
Savio kissed her head before he responded. “I know. You got your super-secret meeting.”
She nodded against his arm. “I don’t want to leave though.”
Neither did he. The thought of going back to Cashmere’s home made him feel uneasy.
“Why don’t we just move here?” he suggested.
Cashmere lifted her head to look at him. “Move to the bay?”
He nodded. “Why not?”
She seemed to think about it. “My work is in Ellwood.”
“You can’t set up shop here?”
“No. It has to be Ellwood. There are some docking ports here, but after everything is unloaded, it’s transported back to Ellwood.”
“Then commute,” Savio suggested.
