No, saying something to him about it didn’t feel right. Not at all. And, as angry as she’d ever felt at the people ruling her career, she tried to direct those feelings at them where they belonged. But all those other goddamned emotions swirling inside her made it impossible to maintain her anger at its usual level.
When she left her room after seven, certain he wouldn’t be in the kitchen, she stood at the end of the hall, listening to try to figure out where Quentin was in the house—but she couldn’t tell. She’d put on socks because, now that the sun was down, the cold was creeping in. It was the strangest thing, although she’d grown used to it: ridiculously hot when the sun was out, but really cold at night. And, now that they were in the middle of autumn, the nights seemed even colder.
But she wasn’t going outside to find out just how cold it was.
In the kitchen, she made herself a sandwich, and it was then that she realized Quentin seemed to be keeping his distance from her as well…but, as she filled her belly, pondering their situation more, she thought it would be better to get it out in the open. After agonizing all afternoon, she knew one thing for certain: if they never talked about it, they would never get past it. It would always be some awkward unspoken thing between them. And, after Quentin had been pushing her to be open and honest in her music, she couldn’t do that if this huge elephant remained between them.
After cleaning up the kitchen, she went to her room, grabbing her old black hoodie and pulling it on—and then she decided to search for him. Although she couldn’t hear everything in the house from down in her room, she thought she would have heard if he’d driven somewhere. After all, she’d heard the photographer and makeup woman arrive earlier in the day. There was something about the sound of the tires on the dusty drive that broke the silence in this quiet place.
Which was why it was so odd to not hear anything in the house.
Quickly, she determined he wasn’t anywhere on the main floor, nor was he down on her level—which meant that, if he were anywhere, he was upstairs. But she hadn’t heard anything coming from the studio, and the lights in there were off.
That meant he was probably in his bedroom. For a few seconds, she simply stood in front of the door, summoning up the courage—and then she just knocked. If she was waiting for it to feel right, it would never happen.
There was no answer. Maybe he was sleeping.
But she was going to try one more time. Knock. Knock. Knock. The way her knuckles hitting the door seemed to echo in that small landing seemed so loud.
And it worked—because, seconds later, she could hear footsteps approaching her from the other side of the door. Drawing in a shaky breath, she tried again to feel courageous. It wasn’t there, but maybe that was because she’d actually grown to care about this guy—about what he thought, what he thought of her, and how his emotional state was.
How had that happened so quickly?
When he opened the door, she couldn’t read his face, not at all. But his voice seemed okay. “Hey.”
“Hey. Um…can we talk?”
“Yeah. We probably need to. I, uh…I’m out on the balcony if you want to join me.”
The balcony? She’d had no idea. Maybe if she’d taken him up on his offer to walk around outside, she’d have noticed it. She followed him through his almost-dark room until he led her through a sliding-glass door and onto a large balcony. It was almost completely dark outside, but from the balcony, she could see the lights of the town off in the distance. Out there, the air smelled fresh and clean and pure somehow…but it was pretty cold, making her glad she’d put on that hoodie. Of course, it had also been like a shield of armor as well, but she wouldn’t have been able to have a conversation without her teeth chattering had she not put it on.
And, although she’d said she wanted to talk, they didn’t at first. Instead, they were silent for a long time, both with their arms resting on the railing, peering out over the darkening landscape. And she drank it all in, because this was nothing like what it might be back at home in L.A. Even through closed windows, she was able to hear traffic, sirens, neighbors talking and arguing, sometimes music…but it was all people all the time. Here…she could hear things she hadn’t noticed since she’d been a child. Like crickets—just a few, but they were making music out there. And the wind—it was soft but she could feel it on her cheeks and hear it rustling the bushes near the house. Those sounds made melodies, not noise.
Unlike the city…she felt like she was connecting not with nature but with time. It felt like ancient peoples may have walked this land at some point in the past and it inspired a sense of awe inside her. And also not like home, the air felt easier to breathe somehow. And completely opposite everything she’d ever known…here she felt exposed—but not like she was under a microscope. Here it was almost okay.
Finally, as she noticed one small star appearing in the sky, she spoke. “It’s kind of pretty out here right now. I guess I can see why you like it here.” Even though her voice was soft, it felt loud.
But Quentin didn’t seem fazed. “Yeah. I’ve never regretted moving here.”
They were quiet again for a while, and Raine realized that broaching the subject was going to be up to her. “Um…I know today was kind of weird—and you’ve been avoiding me.”
He didn’t say anything. Not a word. And his silence seemed to amplify the sounds of nature around them. Suddenly, the breeze sounded louder, the crickets, deafening.
So she decided to just spit it out. “You…didn’t hate that kiss.”
It felt like forever before he finally spoke. “No, I didn’t.”
Raine gave a short nod. Now maybe they could actually talk. “It, um…seemed like you wanted it.” And, even as the words slipped out of her mouth, she had to admit it to herself.
She wanted it, wanted him. In all the time they’d spent together, Raine had found herself trusting this man…and feeling safer around him than she had at any point in her life. And the realness of that kiss had ignited something deep inside her that she hadn’t known existed.
Quentin’s voice was low when he spoke, almost hard to hear. “I did for a short second. But that’s a bad idea, Raine. We work together. We shouldn’t give into anything like that.”
As she sucked down a slow breath, she let his words reverberate inside her. Quentin was a man of boundaries, of rules, ones she tried to respect.
But that wasn’t what this new directive felt like. This felt more like…a warning. And not necessarily against her. He wasn’t saying she wasn’t allowed to do anything. He was saying they shouldn’t do anything. And why? What did he think would happen if they did?
She could not imagine their work relationship suffering from anything they might consider. Quentin Russo was not that kind of guy. She knew Mal and other men like him and Quentin was nothing like them. And, as for her part, she really hadn’t had a chance to be on equal footing in any kind of relationship. She’d always been manipulated or controlled.
