“He was pissed, but I had to do it.”
“I’m glad you finally quit. Jerry was sucking the life out of you. And finishing your master’s degree is an amazing accomplishment,” she says.
Lauren is like a second mom to me. She celebrates my wins and doesn’t judge me for my career choice. Considering some of the books she reads, what I do seems tame in comparison.
“Thanks. That means a lot,” I respond.
She grins mischievously. “So, what about Corey? Did you ask him out?”
I can’t help the grimace on my face. “No, it didn’t go like I thought it would. It ended up just being sex, and not very good sex.” I’m leaving it at that.
“I’m sorry,” she says, gripping my arm. “I know you were excited about that and thought it could lead somewhere. Is there anyone else you’re interested in?”
“Not really,” I admit. “Maybe now’s not the right time, anyway. Once I finish school, I need to focus on my business plans and where to buy real estate. Starting a relationship right now seems pointless.”
Lauren gives me a sympathetic smile, but she knows me well enough not to push and moves on. “Have you heard from your mom recently?”
I shake my head. “We texted last week. Nothing new, just the same stonewall on talking to the boys. I know it isn’t her that’s pushing that; she’s protecting them, and probably me, too. It just sucks.”
“Have you thought anymore about just going up there? They’re not even teenagers anymore. Your parents can’t keep you from seeing your brothers forever?”
Letting out a long sigh, I respond, “I can’t bring myself to do it. Who knows where they stand on anything, and they’ve had years of being indoctrinated in my father’s bullshit. Plus, I don’t know if I can do that to my mom. She’s the only contact I have with my family, and she’s held a firm stance since I left, saying it’s best to keep my distance.”
Lauren scoffs. “Best for whom? Your homophobic asshole of a father? Who’s it going to hurt if you go see them?”
She’s the only person in my life who knows who my father is. I keep that detail to myself because he’s a prominent evangelical pastor and a leading figure in far-right politics opposing LGBTQ+ rights in New York.
I could cause trouble for him by revealing that his eldest son is a gay porn star, but knowing Reginald Amato, I suspect he’d use it against me and make my life difficult instead of the other way around.
“It could hurtme,“ I reply, feeling the anxiety that sneaks in whenever I talk about this. I’ve debated for years whether to try to see them. “You know my biggest fear is showing up there and having James and Luke reject me. It might seem irrational, but I’m terrified of how they’d respond. My heart can’t handle the risk.”
Lauren grips my hand and squeezes. “I know, and I’m sorry. It sucks that you have to deal with this at all. It’s not fair.”
“No…” my voice cracks. “It’s not.”
And that right there is what it boils down to. I’m out and proud, and I lost my family because of it. I couldn’t care less about my father, but I love my mom and my little brothers, and I miss them every day.
“Well, you have Matt and me; we’re your family, and we love you.”
“Thanks, I love you too,” I reply. “And I’ve got other things I can focus on right now. I’m heading to Florida tomorrow morning for a collab with a bunch of guys I’ve worked with before. I’m looking forward to trading this chilly weather for some sun for a few days.”
“That’s great! I’m jealous. Matt and I had a trip to Mexico planned last month, but we had to cancel at the last minute because we both got the flu.”
“Where is Matt tonight, by the way?”
“Guys’ night with some coworkers. I’m sure there’s a game on or something,” she says.
We continue chatting about her life, her excitement about becoming a grandma, and my post-graduation plans until we call it a night because I have an early flight.
The next morning, I arrive at the airport with plenty of time to spare and find that a mechanical issue had delayed my flight. Airport delays are never fun, but at least my airline club membership softens the blow. I head to the lounge, thinking I can use the extra time to work on a paper for one of my classes.
I shoot a quick text to Mac.
Aiden: Hey man, flight delayed. Mech. issue. Will keep you posted.
MacM: No prob. Let me know if you won’t make the first session.
We’re supposed to shoot the first group scene late this afternoon. Hopefully, the delay doesn’t mess that up. Mac and Leon always put on a good spread, just a chance to loosen up aheadof time. I know most of the guys who’ll be there, but there will be some fresh faces. Meeting them beforehand helps. I’ve done plenty of shoots where I barely knew the guy I was having sex with, especially in studio work, but it’s easier when you’ve at least had a conversation first.
