I do as she asks, taking detailed photos and noting the damage. Then I start packing the things I want to keep. The repair list just tripled, and the timeline to list the house evaporates, adding another layer to the mess I’ll be dragging up in therapy. At least Heather is on it, and I’m not dealing with this alone.
After an hour, I take a break, text Aiden some photos, and then wait.
Aiden: Is that your house? What the hell?
Jay: He couldn’t leave without getting the last word, I guess.
My phone rings a second later.
“Holy shit, I can’t believe he did that,” Aiden says as soon as I pick up. “God, I’m so sorry. I know that’s the last thing you need to deal with. Are you sure you won’t let me track him down?”
I flop down on the couch and rub my face. “No, I’ll handle it,” I sigh, totally drained. “Every time I think I’m free of him, he does something else.”
“I can be out there tomorrow. Just say the word.”
“No, I can’t ask you to do that,” I say, my voice strained.
I want him here, though. For him to wrap me in his arms and promise me it’ll never happen again, to hold me and never let go. But his life and plans for the future are in New York, and even though he mercifully keeps me in the dark, as far as I know, he continues to create content for his OnlyFans, which means he’s regularly having sex with handsome men who put me to shame.
“What do you need?” he asks quietly.
“I don’t know,” I respond. I can’t tell him the truth. The truth scares me, and it’s much too soon, anyway.
“I’m here,” he says, his voice breaking. “Day or night, no matter what.”
“Thank you. I’d better get back to packing.”
“We’ll talk again soon.”
He hangs up, leaving me to stare at the selfie of us at the Astoria Column, grinning from ear to ear. My fingertip traces his smile until a tear slips out and lands on the screen, blurring the photo.
“I miss you,” I whisper, an ache in my chest that I can’t shake. I get up from the couch and steel myself. I need to figure out how to stand on my own two feet.
Chapter 14
Aiden
Ihate that Jay has to handle all of this without me. I don’t want to just be a phone call away; I want to be there, holding his hand and providing the support he needs. And that’s what I’ve been working so hard to do.
Buying the property in Astoria has been a long lesson in patience. The seller had health issues, which delayed signing the purchase agreement until last week. It took some doing, but I’ve secured the funding through my investment group, so I need to visit soon to thoroughly inspect the building and spot any hidden issues that could increase renovation costs.
I’m counting down the days until I go back to Oregon because it means I get to see Jay. During our video chats, I’ve watched as the bruising on his face has faded away. Keeping myself in check and reminding myself that we’re just friends is getting harder. I physically ache for him, even though I know he needs more time.
Lauren is my constant sounding board, so I pick up the phone.
“I feel so helpless,” I tell her after unloading about the latest mess Jay is dealing with. “He doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. I want to hunt Ray down and beat the shit out of him.”
Lauren sighs. “I don’t blame you for that, but at least he’s gone and out of Jay’s life for good.”
“I know, but I want to be there to help him put the pieces back together,” I say, frustrated and impatient. “I’m not doing enough.”
She scoffs. “Oh, please, you’re doing plenty. Do I need to remind you?”
This is why I need her. “I guess so.”
“Not only are you planning to move clear across the country, to a town where you know no one, but you’ve also changed your entire way of life. You went from having sex all the time to none at all.”
When I came back from Florida, before things blew up for Jay, I had already stopped creating new content. Reconnecting with him, especially those passionate moments in that hotel room, rewired my brain. I have no desire whatsoever to be with anyone else but him.
