A shadow crosses Ronda’s face as she squeezes my hand. “I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that. I don’t understand that reaction to your own children. Being gay isn’t something to reject your child over,” she shakes her head. “I’ll never understand how your father could do that. Jay’s dad did the same thing.”
“Yeah, Jay told me,” I reply, but leave it at that. I don’t want to get into my feelings about my father.
“Do you have any contact with your mom?” she asks hesitantly.
“We mostly text. She calls me sometimes, but not as often as she used to. She keeps me updated on James and Luke.”
“You aren’t allowed to talk with them, are you?”
“How’d you know that?” I ask, raising my eyebrows.
She looks me straight in the eye. “Because I know how your father operates. I’m sure the last thing he wants is for you to have any influence on their lives. What you did, standing proud of who you are, is not a trait he values in people. He’s a man who wields control and demands obedience.”
“That’s an understatement,” I reply, shaking my head. “It terrifies me to think about what my brothers have become because of him. James was always so confident, even at ten years old. Out of the two of them, he would be the one to push back. But Luke was shy and sensitive. He’s a conformist and a people pleaser.”
“I can tell you one thing for sure,” Ronda says firmly, “Despite your father’s dominance over your family, your mom would have raised them to be kind and compassionate, not cold and hard-hearted.”
“I hope so. It worries me that they’ve bought into his beliefs and not want anything to do with me. That’s why I haven’t tried harder to see them.”
“Oh, Aiden,” Ronda says, giving me a sorrowful look. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“It is what it is.”
“How’s your mom?” she asks, her voice trembling a bit.
I know this is hard for Ronda. She was my mom’s best friend for years, and they were close. It was just as tough for them as it was for me and Jay. After we were outed, my father told my mom that they couldn’t be friends anymore.
“I think she’s okay,” I reply. “She’s never been one to talk about what’s really going on. I always feel like something’s off, but whenever I ask, she says everything is fine.”
“The thing that bonded us as friends was the challenges we faced with our husbands. She doesn’t have an easy life married to your father,” she leans back, her voice softer. “She wanted to protect you boys from it as much as she could. Knowing her, the way I do, her keeping you from James and Luke isn’t because that’s what she wants. She’s trying to protect all three of you, the only way she knows how.”
Hearing that hits differently. “I’d always assumed my mom was happy with her life, but I was nineteen the last time I saw her, and focused on what was going on with me. I’d never really stopped to think about what my mom’s life is really like and what she goes through.”
Ronda’s expression becomes determined. “What I can tell you is that her life is difficult. And I’m sure it’s been even harder these last few years losing both of us. There aren’t many people she can trust and be open with, being the pastor’s wife.”
My mind is spinning as I realize I haven’t taken the time to think about the challenges my mom faces. I need to pay closer attentionduring our conversations and push harder to understand what she’s going through.
“Thanks for telling me that,” I say.
“What are you doing these days?” Ronda asks, shifting the conversation to the topic I was most dreading.
I refuse to hide who I am or what I’ve done with my life; I have nothing to be ashamed of. Despite that, I’m tense, my heart rate speeds up, and heat flushes over my skin.
“Well…for the last twelve years, I’ve worked in adult entertainment,” I tell her, keeping it vague.
She blinks, silent for a few moments. “That’s… not what I expected.” Her voice is careful, but not shocked. “But I don’t judge you.”
Relief washes over me. “I’m actually transitioning careers. I’m finishing my MBA next month, and I want to get into real estate investing.”
Her face brightens. “Wow, that’s ambitious.”
“I’m getting older, and I’m ready to do something different.”
“That’s good. Is there anyone special in your life?” she asks carefully.
I smirk, knowing she’s probing. “No, I haven’t dated much. But I’d like to find someone.”
She smiles at me. “I think that someone is right in front of you, but the timing is terrible.”
