Heather snorts. “Yes, Jay, I know what that is, and what most people use it for. Are you telling me you and Ray were making porn?”
I pause before answering. “Yes.” The word feels heavy in my mouth. “At first, it was just the two of us making sex videos. I wasn’t thrilled about it, but I agreed. But a few months ago, Ray decided we should open our relationship to include other people, and film that too.”
Heather exhales sharply, gripping the steering wheel until her knuckles turn white. “Excuse me?” she says tightly. “You had an open relationship? And you’re telling me Ray made that decision without you?”
“Unfortunately, yeah. I had little say the first time. He invited someone over one day, and we started filming. It just… happened.” I hesitate, trying to keep my voice even. “We used condoms, and after the first time, I went to the doctor for PrEP.”
I don’t tell her that, after a while, we stopped using condoms because it was easier to go along with what Ray wanted—some details she doesn’t need to know.
“We also get tested regularly,” I add quickly. “For HIV and STIs. And I’m negative.”
Heather sighs deeply as she processes that. “Okay,” she says finally, her tone clipped. “I’m glad you at least protected your health. But we’re not done with that topic. Now, the abuse, how long has that been going on, and what exactly has he done?”
I exhale sharply and tell her the painful, embarrassing truth about how I let my relationship change me into someone I no longer recognize. I allowed the person I’ve shared my life with to belittle me, push me around, and chip away at my self-worth until there was barely anything left, all with the excuse that he couldn’t help it because of his heritage.
When I finish, Heather huffs through her nose, gripping the wheel tighter. “That’s… really sad. I wish you’d have told me sooner.” Her voice softens briefly before hardening again. “But seriously, could he have thrown out any more red flags?”
I know she means well, but empathy and understanding have never been her strong suit. Logic and outrage, those are her languages.
“I know you see this stuff all the time, but I was in the middle of it, okay?” I snap, more harshly than I mean to. “It’s humiliating being a grown man and letting the person you live with treat you like shit. Arguing with him was exhausting. Everything turned into a fight. I wasn’t living; I was just trying to survive it.”
Heather’s expression softens, her tone gentler now. “I’m sorry. I can’t imagine what that was like. Is it okay if I ask a few specific questions?”
“Sure.”
“First, you mentioned Florida last night. When was that trip?”
“Right…that.” I grimace. “It was a couple of weekends ago. We went to Florida for an OnlyFans collaboration. Another one of Ray’s brilliant ideas. We filmed with a group of guys.” I keep things deliberately vague; there are things my sister doesn’t need burned into her brain. “That’s where I ran into Aiden.”
Heather glances at me, one eyebrow raised. “That was my next question. Running into him again seems like something you would’ve mentioned.”
“I know. I meant to tell you, but it would’ve meant explaining everything, and I wasn’t ready for that conversation.”
“Did you have sex with Aiden in Florida?”
I blink at her bluntness. “That’s direct.”
“You should know by now that I don’t dance around things.”
“Yes,” I admit. “He was part of the group… situation.”
She gives a short laugh, not out of humor but disbelief. “Okay, Jay, let’s be real, because I’m not the prude you think I am. When you say group, you mean you were in an orgy, right?”
“Yes,” I sigh. “That’s exactly what I mean.”
I want to crawl out of my skin. I’m not ashamed of what happened, but having this conversation with my sister feels like being stripped bare. There are boundaries between siblings, and we are sprinting past every single one of them.
“Okay, no judgment from me,” she says after a moment. “You do you. But,” her voice sharpens, “you had sex with Aiden, and heshowed up here right after Ray beat you up. So, what’s really going on between you two?”
“He’s my friend,” I answer quickly. “We spent time together in Florida; we caught up, and it felt like no time had passed. I missed him so much, Heather.”
She nods, her expression softening again. “I know how much you missed him. Having him back in your life must feel really good. But, he’s just your friend, right? You haven’t started something with him, have you?”
“Heather, we’re just friends.” I try to sound convincing, but even to my own ears, it falls flat. “Just because we had sex doesn’t mean he wants a relationship with me. He’s got a life in New York. And I…” I trail off, staring out the windshield. “I need to work through everything with Ray before I even think about anyone else. Breaking up with him is a relief, for sure, but I’m not ready for anything new. I wouldn’t want Aiden to be a rebound. And honestly, I don’t even know if he’d want that kind of relationship with me.”
What I don’t say out loud is that I’d want it in a heartbeat. That I’ve wanted it since I was sixteen. No matter how much time passes, he still owns a piece of my heart, and he always will.
Heather gives me a sideways look, her tone gentler now. “Jay, honey, he dropped everything and flew here to be with you. I think there’s a pretty good chance he wants more than just friendship. But I agree with you, you’re not in a place to jump into something new.”
