There’s a deep sadness in his eyes. “I felt completely alone, with no one to talk to and no way to reach out. I wasn’t allowed to tellanyone the truth, and no one at school understood what was going on with me. Senior year is a blur that I barely remember.”
My heart sinks, knowing how hard that time was for both of us. “I’m so sorry. I wish I could have been there with you. Did your mom do anything to help?”
He meets my eyes with a look of resignation. “She tried in her own way, but she wouldn’t defy my father. She told me she loved me, but she also hoped I’d grow out of it. It wasn’t rejection like my father’s, but it still hurt.”
“So, how’d you get through it?”
A hint of a smile appears. “James and Luke. I spent a lot of time with them, playing games and taking them hiking. I wouldn’t have survived without them.”
Aiden’s twin brothers are ten years younger than he is, and he’s always had a soft spot for them. When I knew them, James was bursting with energy and a chatterbox, while Luke was quiet and tenderhearted. I’m glad he had them.
Aiden goes on. “Other than that, I just kept my head down. My father made me go to community college and live at home so he could keep an eye on me. He also made me join that college ministry tied to the church. On the surface, I tried to be the model son, but inside, I was suffocating.
“I was able to get some freedom, though. He couldn’t watch me 24/7.
“It took me weeks to get the nerve, but I found a Pride group on campus. I was terrified to talk to anyone, but then I met this girl, Paige. She was the first person since you I could really talk to and just be myself.”
It tears me apart that he speaks so matter-of-factly when recounting one of the most painful times in his life.
I can sense where this story is going, but I ask anyway, “And then what happened? Your dad found out?”
He gives me a weary look. “Yeah. One of the ministry leaders saw me at a Pride picnic, wearing a rainbow T-shirt, and told him. My father gave me a choice: I could either deny who I was and go into intensive therapy, or get out of the house. I chose to leave.”
That guts me. “What about your mom? Didn’t she try to do something?”
He shakes his head. “She begged him to let me stay, but he wouldn’t budge.” His voice hitches. “Saying bye to the twins almost broke me. My mom promised we’d stay in touch, and we have, but my father won’t let me see or talk to the boys at all.”
“God, I’m so sorry. You said you talked to your mom. When was the last time you saw her?”
“It’s been a long time,” he answers, staring off into the distance. “I saw her a few times before I left Rochester, and only once since then. We mostly text, and talk a few times a year.”
I catch the pain in his eyes when he mentions her. He was always close to his mom. Until the twins were born, it was just the two of them, since his dad worked all the time. I can’t imagine not seeing my mom or Heather. That kind of distance would crush me.
“So, where’d you go?”
“I stayed with Paige for a few months to finish my freshman year, but after that, I needed out of there. She had a friend in Brooklyn looking for another roommate, so I jumped at the chance. I’d worked at a coffee shop in Rochester, and I found a barista job near the townhouse I shared with my roommates.”
“What were they like?”
He smiles. “Oh my God, they were so great. I was closest to Dan, who was also gay, and he took me to my first club.”
He laughs, looking up as he recalls what seems like a fond memory. “Man, that was an eye-opening experience. I hadn’t been with anyone other than you, and I was hit on in the first ten minutes by at least a dozen guys.”
Raising an eyebrow, I give him a gesture, like, Duh, has he seen how hot he is?
“Yeah, I bet. So, first time with someone else, how was it?” I ask, curious.
He chuckles, his eyes locking on mine. “You really want to hear about that?”
“Well, maybe not the play-by-play,” I admit, squirming in my seat. “But how you felt about it.”
Aiden looks at his hands, flexing his fingers. “It felt wrong when I first kissed another guy. Like I was betraying you.”
I fiddle with my napkin, feeling awkward. “I felt the same way,” I say quietly. “It took me a long time to try with someone else.”
A heavy silence settles between us.
I hesitate, then force my way past the knot in my throat, my voice strained. “Did you ever try to find me?”
