I looked at him and rolled my eyes. Laughing, I replied, “Please. Gram was not ghetto fabulous. She loved Jesus, her pastor, and the congregation. She simply wanted everyone to praise the Lord and worship and rejoice at her service. When she said that she would have a homegoing celebration, that was exactly what she meant. She doesn’t want anyone crying andbeing sad about her going to be with her Lord. She said that it’s a celebratory occasion and something everyone is supposed to be excited about.”
“Honestly, she’s right when you think about it. Man, I just can’t believe that she’s gone. She always has something witty or wise to say.”
“Yeah, she would probably get up at her own funeral, if she could, to tell the mourners that they needed to join church. She’d say that they need to give their lives to Jesus before someone was at their funeral weeping over them, knowing they were going straight to hell.”
Ethan laughed heartily at that, but he knew I was telling the truth.
“So, the service is in four days. Do you want to go away for a while after that? You’re going to take some time off, right?”
“I think it will be easier for me to return to work right away. Too much time away and I will be struggling through my grief. I don’t want to become depressed, Ethan. I’ve lost my entire world.”
My vision blurred, but I maintained control of the car.
“You haven’t lost your entire world, baby. You’ve still got me.”
We had been attending counseling with Dr. Giselle Champagne. There was no way that we would survive what had happened and what was coming without professional assistance.
“You know what I’m saying, Ethan. She’s as much a part of me as I am of myself. She’s the one person who holds the key to my past, all the stories about my parents, and the memories of me as an infant and a child. Now she’s gone, and she’s taken all of that with her.”
“We’re going to get through this too. It won’t be easy, but just like I was by your side today, I’ll be by your side in the days, weeks, and months to come. I promise that I won’t fail you.”
I glanced at him and smiled. “Thank you, Ethan.” I turned the windshield wipers on as the rain came down harder. It had drizzled all day, as if the world was crying for Gram’s passing.
“You don’t have to thank me for doing my job.” In the past he would say “honoring his vows,” but that had become a point of contention between us. I would always make a remark about him cheating and failing to uphold his vows.
His phone rang through the Bluetooth speakers.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Ethan.”
I glanced at the caller ID on the screen and noticed a personalized contact under the name “Baby Mama.” I rolled my eyes, and I tried hard to control the anger that ran through me. I wished that I had been driving my car instead of his. I would have immediately disconnected the call.
Couldn’t I have one day of peace where she didn’t invade on my right to exist? One day where I could pretend that Pandora Thompkins didn’t exist?
“Hey. Can I call you back?”
“I didn’t call to keep you, but I had something important to tell you. Next Tuesday, I will be going to get the ultrasound done to determine the gender of our child. I wanted to know if you could accompany me to that appointment. We’ll also be able to hear his or her heartbeat for the first time.”
That was the day that my grandmother was to be buried. Tears stung my eyes. All my husband’s firsts as it related to his first child would be done with another woman. I would not be involved with the process. The first time we had a child, he would have already done everything with Pandora, and it wouldn’t be a new experience that we could share together.
I stared out the window at the red light and tapped my fingers, hoping that it would change soon and that the phone call would end.
“Uhm, . . . I already have another commitment that day, and I can’t get away.”
“What could possibly be more important than seeing your child’s gender and hearing their heartbeat for the first time, Ethan?”
He sighed and replied, “What time is it? I might be able to get away, but I can’t make any guarantees.”
“It’s at two in the afternoon.”
“Yeah, I can’t make that. Can’t you reschedule?”
“No. Can’t you reschedule whatever you’ve got going on that I’m sure isn’t as important?”
“It is important, and no, I can’t reschedule it.”
“And I can’t reschedule this. Why are you being difficult, Ethan? I still love you.”
