“You wanna drive?” he asked, handing me the keys.
I shook my head and crossed my arms so that I couldn’t take the keys. “No, I’m good on that.”
“Are you sure that you don’t want to just try? It’s just like your therapist said, you’ll have to face your fears sooner or later.”
“And yet, she’s not the one here who has to suffer through it.”
“No, but you’ve got me, baby. I promise that I won’t fail you.”
“I know. I’m just scared of what happened last time happening this time.”
“And it might, but you can’t sit back having pity parties and not at least try. This time, I’ll be there to hold your hand and see you through it. Maybe I can help identify your triggers.”
“Getting behind the wheel,” I replied sarcastically.
He chuckled. “Come on. I’ve got you.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right. After all, I can’t expect you to chauffeur me everywhere I go, can I?”
“You know that I don’t mind.”
“Maybe, but you’re also not obligated. You’re right. It might feel good to have my independence again. It doesn’t feel good taking shared rides everywhere or waiting for you or Waverleigh to take me places.”
“Yep. She’ll be moving soon, and you’re going to be taking more shared rides if I’m not around to drive you at times that she normally would.”
“You’re right. I guess I had better start back driving,” I replied, getting into the driver’s seat.
Deuce closed the door and ran around to the other side. Once we were both strapped in, I closed my eyes and whispered a prayer for protection, mental stability, and peace of mind.
“Ready?” Deuce asked when I blew out a long breath and started the ignition.
“As much as I can be, I guess.”
I pulled out of the parking spot, and I could feel Deuce watching me.
“Could you not?”
“What?”
“Watch me. You’re making me nervous.”
“My bad. Do you want the radio on?”
“No. I just want to drive,” I replied, clenching my jaw. I knew that I was being a little bit mean, but I was just nervous and scared. Yet, I couldn’t admit to that because I knew that he might try to talk me out of driving. The more I procrastinated on getting back behind the wheel, the harder it would become to do it eventually. I didn’t want to become someone who stopped driving altogether and eventually become stuck in the house in fear of going outside.
We headed out of the mall parking lot, and while I was nervous, I mostly felt comfortable. My mind started racing ahead, though, wondering what it would be like when I got out on the road with others, especially on the larger streets.
I was thankful that I didn’t need to take the highway home, and I planned to mostly take back streets, but it wasn’t possible for the entire journey. I was excited as we navigated the first large intersection at the mall, and I made it through with sweaty palms and all.
We were twenty minutes away from the house when my anxiety started. I pulled up to the traffic light, and it was red. Itwas the second largest intersection since leaving the mall, but it was much busier than the first one. We had to cross over a bridge that led to a highway, and the thought of crossing over that part of the road terrified me.
I felt an uncontrollable tremble taking over my hands and legs. Before I knew it, my entire body was shaking, and I was rocking back and forth at the wheel. Hot tears poured over my cheeks, and no coherent thought would form in my mind.
“Sevyn. Baby. What’s wrong?” he asked.
I wanted to answer him, but I couldn’t respond for the life of me. I tried speaking after I opened my mouth, but my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth.
“Sevyn, breathe. Grip the steering wheel tighter and look into the mirror. Eyes on yourself and hands on the wheel to try and ground yourself.”
