Ilose it.
“Please!That’s- That’s-Oh my god-Peace?” I laugh, my stomach muscles giving out from how much I’m laughing. “I can’t breathe!” I laugh some more and then some more whenI glance at West’s desolated face, realization dawning on him. “Oh my god, I’m crying… You’re sostupid…” I wipe my eyes and sit on my mat, while the idiot to my left reluctantly sits on his. “Honey.” I add after Jared looks suspiciously at me.
“You’re stupid.” West throws childishly at me.
Jared instructs West to lie down, and I place his feet on my hips, ready for him to lift me.
“This is all about trust, so Jacob, extend your hand to Madelaine, and when you’re ready, lift her.”
Our hands touch, and I squeeze his a little bit, clearly a bit afraid.
He nods subtly as if saying he won’t let me fall.
His legs lift me, and I’m a little bit imbalanced at first, but then it’s like we’re those gymnasts who synchronize perfectly. And for a few seconds, I didn’t think too much of anything. West is annoying, but he is right. I’m always thinking. Always trying to figure out everything around me, people’s next moves, but right now, I’m justexisting, if that makes sense. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so peaceful these last few years as I’m feeling right now. And I take it. That big, perfect breath, even though West’s feet are pressing against my stomach. I open my eyes and look down at him, and it seems I caught him off guard because he’s lightly smiling.
“Amazing, chemistry, you guys. I’m glad you found each other. You can see how much you love one another.”
“What-” And I’m thrown off balance, and so is West, because as soon as I know, I’m landing face-first into his stomach. He winces in pain, andhow in the hell is his stomach this hard?OW.
“Why would you drop me?!”
“Hey, you moved first!”
* * *
“Forehead to forehead. Yes, that’s right, close your eyes.” This past hour has been going strangely. We fight and reunite. And then realize we’re being nice and harmonious and fight again. But it’s like Crazy Jared won’t take that for an ending, so he’s making us do this one last exercise where we talk nicely about each other, you know, to leave with positive vibes and all, while touching our foreheads and closing our eyes.
“Madelaine-” West starts, but Jared interrupts him.
“No, Madelaine has to go first. It’s important she lets go of her pride and goes first.” I glance quickly at Jared, and he’s dead serious.
“Oh- Okay, uhm, West-”
“Jacob.” Jared corrects me.
“Jake, I…” I hate this. I feel weak, which is somehow worse, because I shouldn’t feel weak when talking nicely about a, well, good person. I know I make him my personal punching bag, but he responds equally. It’s a fucked up partnership in a way, but I also hate to admit that I’m always the one who insults first. And it hurts me even more to give my power up. “I admire your positivity even when I cross the line and say hurtful things to you.” I take a big breath. “Actually, I admire your positivity towards life in general, I-I wish I had more of that.” I rip it off like a bandage.
I hate how I know he’s looking at me right now. And the fact that this stupid forehead thing is actually working.
“Jacob, your turn.”
“Madelaine, despite the fact you can be cold-hearted and closed off-”
“Of course…” I whisper to him. He can’t take anything seriously in his life, not even when I feel this naked emotionally.
“I admire your strength and how, despite everything you went through, you still endure. You’re still a good friend to Allison, a good older sister to Lindsey, and a good daughter to John. There aren’t many people who would still be standing, and even though I called you cold-hearted, I think you’re warm-blooded. Someone who had to shut down like you did, still caring that deeply about so many things, is astonishing to me. You, uh, underestimate yourself.” He clears his throat, and I’m so glad our eyes are closed because I’m one second away from ugly crying.
From the sounds coming out of Jared’s mouth, I’m assuming we got to him.
“That was so beautiful, guys. I feel like you grew so much throughout this past hour and a half, and I’m proud. Okay,calm down, Jared, you’re doing too much. This is why they call you crazy. Slowly, you can open your eyes and unglue your foreheads.”
I wipe my face down quickly before we both open our eyes and get away from each other as soon as possible.
“Namasté. Until I see you again.” And then he grabs his mat and just walks away from us.
We’re left staring at each other.
“I still hate you.” I look around, avoiding his eyes.
