“That doesn’t mean I can’t misssomepart of it.” I lie with a fake smile all while laughing it off.
He knows I’m lying, but he probably just thinks I’m bummed about leaving my friends and don’t want to admit my feelings, as usual.
I kiss him goodbye and shout it at Lindsey, leaving for school.
As soon as the front door shuts, my heart picks up an abnormal amount of speed, and I breathe it down, putting my headphones on.
I breathe deeply, and let my playlist namedHAPPY— very creative, I know — fill my body. I would be helpless without music. I really clung on to it as soon as I realized that it was the only constant thing in my life. And yes, I do realise it’s a very intense coping mechanism, as did my therapist.
New Sensation by INXSbursts through my eardrums and I let the sunshine shine on my face while walking towards the school. It takes about twenty minutes on foot, so it gives me plenty of time to let myself enjoy my playlists.
I snap every picture that I can with my eyes, just memorizing the streets of Jersey and its skyline, because soon enough, I’ll be getting away from all this to my safe space.
Mailview.
Still in the state of New Jersey, just morecountry. As in a town in which everyone knows everyone, but still big enough to host some tourists anda lotof people of every age category. It’s big for an outsider but small for locals who know the son of the old lady whose car got fixed by the man who got divorced and had three kids, and one of them married the Pie Store owner’s daughter. It’s like a game really.Connect the last name.
I reach hell’s steps five minutes after it rang. I could have been on time if I hadn’t had a lot on my mind.
I race down the hallways just to finally get to my English class. I knock, one earbud wired in my ear while the other is free to hear Mr. Green give me permission to enter.
“Sorry I’m late…” I mutter walking right to my seat.
I catch Allison grinning at me and shaking her head in the way that saysonly you to be late on the last day of school.
I turn offHead Over Heels by Tears For Fearsand put my things onto the table of the only class I actually don’t mind listening to.
2
If You Hate P.E. Clap Your Hands
The bell rings, and Mr. Green finishes giving us the bookmarks he brought for all of us. We all leave class wishing him a good summer and thanking him for being responsible for everyone’s grades going up because of how patient and good a teacher he was.
Allison finds my arm and sticks to my side until we reach the lockers.
“Can you hear that? It’s the sound of heartbreak echoing through these hallways. You gotta love the drama.” She laughs past a couple hugging tightly, both teary-eyed.
I feel bad for them, unlike Allison. Even though I should be glad about the misery of others’ love lives, I can’t. It’s bad giving your heart to someone only to know it’s gonna end eventually. This is a part of my many reasons I’m afraid to date. Of all things in life, there are only two I can control. Music, books, movies, andme. But I also know that as soon as I fall for someone, thatcontrol flies out the window faster than light. Not that I havereallyfallen for someone.
“Well, that andlies.” I add to her statement, and she nods in approval, just to stop and make a grossed-out face.
“Speaking of cheating scum liars.”
I follow her gaze, and I see Blade Topper. I cringe remembering that night when I thought it was going well for a date.
He sees Allison and me, frowns with a concerned expression at the stink eye and the discreet flip Allison is giving him.
“Alls please…” I insist, dragging her along. She rolls her eyes but stops intimidating him.
I groan, getting closer to the gym, and Allison gives me taps to comfort me.
“It’s only an hour.”
“The longest hour.”
If you can’t tell, the subject that goes by PE and I do not get along. I guess it all started when I realized I was so bad atallgroup sports that I was the last one to be picked for a team. It’s not like I mind it, I’m used to it by now. I mean, I can’t blame them. I start to gasp for air and have to sit down when we have classes on the third floor. Not to mention losing all races, all agility tests, and having the elasticity of a tree.
Allison lets out a sad sigh.
