“Guys, we still have a year left.” Allison says we all look at each other. “One last year.”
In that moment, our eyes find each other. I can’t take it anymore;this is consuming me inside.
After a couple of rough weeks, my psychiatrist prescribed me some soft pills to ease my anxiety, and she told me I shouldn’t be torturing myself thinking I can go through it without help. If I broke my leg, I wouldn’t walk on it and expect it to get better, would I? So why wouldn’t I treat my mind with the same respect?
Anyways, I get up and excuse myself, telling them I forgot something back at the house.
I get up, flexing my hand and feeling my chest tight. I go around the gazebo, everything coming muffled to my ears.
“You’re the moon!” Jake’s voice breaks through, and I turn around, frowning. “In the hospital, you said you were a black hole, but you’re the moon.”
“You heard that?” I freeze, mortified, and he walks a little closer, hands in his varsity jacket.
“I thought I was dreaming, but yeah…You’re not gonna destroy us if that’s what you’re worried about.” He looks up, eyes burying mine. “Truth is, you have always surrounded me, pulling me towards you without meaning to.” He frowns at his words. “This moon thing is getting really cheesy. The pointis,I love you.” He exhales deeply.“All of you. The good, the bad, and everything in between.”
I try blinking away all the emotions rising up.
“But I also know this is the third time I’m telling you this, and I don’t want to make you feel pressured or uncomfortable-”
I stop him by grabbing his collar and kissing him.
“Of course I love you.” I whisper, and he stops, shocked. “I never thought it was evenpossibleto feel like this.”
“Like what?” He questions, and I feel my eyes watering.
“Like wanting to know where you are or what you’re doing. And going crazy when I don’t know. It’s scary, the power you have over me.” I swallow my tears, and he breathes out. “I mean, last time someone I-” I stop myself, not really sure I want to take the step. “I loved, chose to leave me, I couldn’t handle it.” I wipe a tear coming from overflowing eyes. “It hurt so much, and I don’t think I can handle going through it again.”
“Mads?”
I look up reluctantly at him, and he wipes my tears.
“I have loved you since we were nine, when I didn’t even know what love was. I wrote songs, and every song on the radio was about you. It killed me every time I saw you just as much talking to another guy, so, even if you have a psychotic break, I promise you, I’m going to have a way worse one. We’ll be crazy together, how about that?”
I wipe my nose, and he holds my face.
“I hate to break it to you, Brown, but I’m pretty much obsessed with you. And I will never let you down. Because if I ever did, I think it would actuallyphysicallykill me.”
“But how do you know I’m not just the thrill of the chase?” I hate how insecure I sound, but it’s still a valid question considering his past.
“Deep down, I thought that too. But when we kissed that night, something changed. And when Amanda kissed me- I didn’t feel anything.” He searches my eyes. “And Iknewyou had changed everything.” Pause. “I’ve met many girls throughout mylife. But only one managed to make me fall in love every damn day.”
“Really?” I smile like a little kid.
“Really.” He smirks, barely containing his happiness.
“Okay.” I shrug and turn around to leave, but he catches me from behind, making me laugh. “I love you! Now let me get my pills!”
Even though I don’t feel like I need them anymore.
“Woman, I have waited years for this.” He picks me up while I pretend to want to get away.
“You’re soneedy.” I joke, and he moves his head up and down.
“For you?Absolutely.” He turns me around and holds me close to him, our faces inches apart.
I can’t take it anymore, and with both hands, I bring his head down to me, and we collide. Even though the kiss that night shattered me, this one is different. It marks the start ofourlife. It’s years of tension and wanting all sucked into one moment. I bury my hands in his hair, and he holds me like he’s never letting me go. He takes his time making me feel wanted, and this is not just another Jake West spectacle in front of the whole town. This is sweet and everlasting. This is watching your comfort movie on a rainy day by the fireplace. This is what I thought a true love’s kiss was like when I was little.
I stop us and let my nose rest against his, the biggest smile on my face. He slides me down and wraps his arms around me, giving me a heartfelt hug. I hug him back, head resting against his chest. It’s like he’s showing me, with a simple embrace, that he’s the lighthouse in the middle of the storm that is my life. No matter how shitty things get, he never turns out the light. He never did, actually. We might have had rough patches, but if anything, he was still there, holding a tiny lantern, reluctant and telling me to come inside.
