I know. I know that I’m being horrible and I wanna stop, but ever since I discovered the truth, it’s like I’m on a moving train that gets faster and faster and isimpossible to get off.
“You don’t mean that. You’re drunk. Where’s Allison?” He asks, coming closer and making sure I don’t trip down the stairs.
“They call it drunk truths for a reason.” I roll my eyes. “You should just quit Jake and go back to Tiffany. Or Amanda.”
“You don’t want to be with me? It kills me, butfine.” He makes me look at him, his eyes burning and locking mine. “But I’m not quitting you, Madelaine, mainly because I’m not sure I know how to, but also because you’re not this person who’s hurting me right now.” He tries to look for something inside me. Reason? Emotion?Something. “I know you’re hurting.” My heart drops as he looks right through me. “Andbelieve me, thattortures me so much more than any word you can throw my way.”
I blink away the tears.
“Whatever, West. I thought you were better than chasing a lost cause.”
His jaw clenches, and that’s when I hear Allison.
“Oh my god, Madelaine, finally. Where were you?” Then she stops, realizing she walked in on our conversation.
“You should get her home.” Jake says, sighing.
“You don’t tell her what to do. I go home if I want to go home.” I say childishly.
“Oh, we are going home. Even if I have to pick you up and throw you onto the couch myself.” Allison declares, and I throw my hands up.
“No need,I’m going.” I glance at Jake, who’s looking at the ground.
“Drink water.” He advises, and I scoff, while being dragged away by Allison.
“I’ll drink water if-”
“You want to, I know.” He takes a deep breath and walks to the other side of the street, and I catch sight of his bike.
I hear it in the background as I get home.
Allison tries her best not to make noise, but of course, my dad is waiting for me.
“Shit.” Allison mutters, and my dad sees me.
“Hey, Dad…” I smile ironically. “Your greatest disappointment is home.”
His face falls at my words.
“I’m gonna put on my pajamas…” Allison gets out, and I let my body fall on the couch nearest me.
“You arenota disappointment, you hear me?” My dad sits on the coffee table in front of the couch. “You are one of the strongest people I know. You stepped up when you didn’t haveto, and I take the blame for that. I was too consumed by my own grief to realize that you felt like you had the weight of the world on your shoulders. I’m the dad, Madelaine, and you made everything easier for me, but at what cost? I failed you and Lindsey.” He rubs his face. “If anyone’s a disappointment, it’s me.”
“Don’t say that. The only thing that comforted me about the fact that Mom was gone was the fact that I had you.” I sniffle, remembering all the times my dad stayed until late at night baking muffins for our school sale and how, even though his job was half an hour away from our house, he always made it so he could take us and pick us up from school. How he missed hangouts with coworkers and Christmas dinners because he insisted he wanted to stay with us instead. Even when we were tight on money, he would save up money so we could go to the movies to watch that brand new movie everyone was talking about.
“I love you so much, Maddie. If I could take away all your pain and put it on me, I would.” He strokes my head, and I hold his hand.
“I know. I’m sorry I’m worrying you.” I cry quietly, and he kisses the top of my head, barely containing his emotion.
“It’s my job to worry. It’s yours to be a teenager.”
Silence fills the rooms for a few beats.
“I love you too, Dad. Don’t die in the next 60 years, please.” I joke, and he laughs through the tears.
“Not if I can help it. I promise.” He sits down on the ground, still holding my hand, and for the first time in a while, I feel at peace.
He stayed with me until I fell asleep, keeping me safe.
