“Of course. I wouldn’t let him down.”
Austin gives a low whistle. “And you’ll be working on a story that he thinks betrays his family? That’s some serious drama.”
“Tell me about it.” I stare down at my wedding ring, still on my finger despite everything. “I don’t know if I can do this, Austin.”
“Do what? The documentary shoot or the marriage?”
“Both.” I shake my head. “I don’t know how to be someone’s wife and still be myself.”
“No offense, but from where I’m sitting, it sounds like you might be the one looking for an exit. Are you using this fight as areason to bail?”
“That’s not fair,” I protest, though the words hit uncomfortably close to home.
Austin raises an eyebrow. “You’ve always been a pro at keeping people at arm’s length. You focus on work, on uncovering other people’s truths while guarding your own.”
“I’ve dated before,” I counter.
“Yeah, with guys who were never going to challenge you, who were never going to get close enough to really matter if they left.” His voice softens. “Lucas matters. That’s why this hurts so much.”
I blink rapidly against the sting of tears. “When did you get so insightful about relationships? You avoid them at all costs.”
“I watch and learn from other people’s mistakes,” he says with a grin. “Especially my big sister’s.”
A perfect wave rises behind us, ending the conversation as we both turn to catch it. This time, I surf with a strange mixture of grief and clarity, with Austin’s words echoing in my mind.
You might be the one looking for an exit.
Am I? Have I been sabotaging this relationship by holding back, by keeping one foot out the door, protecting myself from the vulnerability that comes with truly loving someone?
Back on the beach, as Austin and I towel off beside our boards, he bumps my shoulder gently. “For what it’s worth, I think you and Lucas make sense together. You challenge each other. Keep each other honest.”
“Even when it hurts?” I ask, thinking of the pain in Lucas’s eyes duringour fight.
“Especially then.” Austin unzips his wetsuit.
I want Lucas. The question is whether he wants me, too. This whole thing started as a performance, a strategy, a marriage that wasn’t supposed to mean anything. And maybe I convinced myself that as long as I kept it framed that way, temporary, tactical, I could protect myself. That when it was over, I could walk away clean.
But I can’t.
And the truth is, I don’t want to.
As we gather our gear and head toward the parking lot, my phone buzzes again.
KIRA
Final edits on the Carmichael piece complete. Legal has signed off. Ready to publish the Sunday morning after the announcement.
The timeline is set. I’ll be standing beside Lucas at his father’s event, knowing what’s coming the next day. The thought twists my stomach into knots.
However, now, I feel something beyond anger and hurt: a flicker of determination. Whatever happens next, I need to face it head on.
I don’t know if he’ll forgive me. I don’t know if we can rebuild what’s been broken. But I know I have to try, starting with showing up on Saturday and then telling him how I really feel. It won’t be easy, but nothing worth fighting for ever is.
forty
. . .
Lucas
