“Only in the direst of circumstances?” she confirmed.
He nodded.
“You give me your word? You will not hide from me if my reputation cannot be repaired? You will not change your mind if thetoncannot forgive me this time?”
“You have my word.”
This was the Garrett who had refused to allow her tocompromise herself with him. The one who had halted her passion when she’d abandoned all sense of propriety. She loved him all the more for it, and yet she would strangle him for his stubbornness. Again, he would not look directly at her.
“And this is open-ended? Is there a timeline attached to your promise?”
He did not answer right away. And then finally, “No. Well, within reason, I suppose.”
“A year? Two?” She paused, goading him. “Ten?”
His demeanor remained stoic and impersonal. “Two seems reasonable enough, if that is acceptable to you?”
She memorized his features. He must become a memory to her, then? Was she to live her life with heartbreak? Lost to her one true love? Surely there must be some way…
And then she could not help herself. “Please don’t do this, Garrett. I do not mind about the children.”
Ah, so she would allow this pathetic part of herself to have a voice. “I…would find other ways to have a meaningful life. I…care so much for you. You must know that?” Oh, what an utter fool she was! She might as well declare her undying love for him. And then he could pat her on the head and tell her to be a good girl and go find another beau…Her confidence in his affections flagged. Perhaps he saw her as a child.
In a rush of motion, Garrett covered the steps between the two of them and pulled her into his arms. For a full minute, he didn’t say a word. His breathing sounded harsh, and he held her tightly, so tight that it almost hurt.
Finally, his embrace slackened, and he pulled back to look at her. “You are so very precious to me,” he rasped. “But you are also so…damn naïve!” Releasing her shoulders, he grasped her hands in his. “You have your entire life ahead of you. A life as a wife, a life as a mother, and then a grandmother.” Raising her hands to his lips, he implored her with the intensity of his gaze. “Allow me to do this for you. I could not live with myself if I ensnared you in my world. I won’t do it.”
She searched his eyes. So black. When she’d first known him, she’d seen them as dangerous, practically evil. She knew better now. Warm, dark, and sensual, they aroused all the emotions she’d lacked in her engagement. She sat back. There was time. She had all the time in the world. She would think of something. She would find a way to convince him of his right to happiness, and she would lay claim to it for both of them.
She just wished she knew how.
“You will kiss me?”
Garrett groaned, but then dropped her hands and placed his hands on the sides of her face.
Although he held her tenderly, his mouth demanded everything. His lips urged hers apart and swept beyond all inhibitions. Natalie took hold of his wrists for balance. Despite her weak condition, she found the strength to push into him and demand this connection with equal urgency. He tasted, oh, he tasted of Garrett. Hot, spicy, familiar. Garrett’s hands gripped her tighter.
The other times he’d kissed her, he’d kept a part of himself under tight rein. This kiss was different. It conveyed desperation, imparting both love and agony. He kissed her as though it would be their last. It could not. It would not! She would fight for him, for them, if only she knew how.
She whimpered when he drew away and pulled a mask of distance back over his features. “I will not bother you alone again.” He meant this to be their goodbye.
Upon completinghis examination of Natalie, the doctor announced she was as well as she might ever be. Her parents could safely travel with her back to Raven’s Park. He told hershe might never regain her full memory of the accident and then advised her against any rigorous physical or mental activity. Natalie wondered what he meant by rigorous mental activity.
For she was frantically trying to concoct a scheme to bring Garrett around to her way of thinking. Thus far, however, her rigorous mental activity had been lamentably unproductive.
She was going to have to return to Raven’s Park without extracting his passionate declaration of love—without hearing the romantic proposal she desired.
It was time to retreat. She must devise a new strategy. What that would be, she still did not know. She clung to his promise of marriage (as a last option) for the tenuous connection it provided.
And so, with a melancholy heart, she allowed him to escort her to her father’s carriage the next morning. Out of bed for the first time in a week, she dressed in a pale rose cotton gown. She knew it flattered her complexion and enhanced the color of her eyes. It was important that she leave Garrett with a flattering image of herself. When he remembered her, when he conjured her in his imagination, she would have him forget the image of her lying in bed with her hair sticking everywhere.
She wanted to laugh but nearly choked on a sob instead.
As he assisted her up the step, she glanced down at his dear, familiar hand. The hand that had soothed her and touched her intimately. Her gaze moved to his, and she was encouraged to see his emotions revealed again. They were intense. They practically devoured her.
“Thank you again, my lord, for your hospitality. I am sorry for giving you such a fright with my arrival.” Her mother sat behind her on the bench, facing front.
Garrett released her as she found her seat beside Mama. He leaned into the cabin of the carriage to speak. “I am grateful you are recovering. And I am again so very sorry formy part in all of this...Please, if it occurs to you, I would be obliged if you would send me word when you have recovered your memory.” His words were formal, but his eyes shone with love.
