So why the self-pity? Why the anger? Why the...loneliness? For, yes, surrounded by her family as she was, a hollow emptiness remained inside her. She had thought she would be the happiest girl alive once freed from her commitment, but such emotion proved elusive. If she had not broken off her betrothal, at this very moment, she would be traveling as theDuchess of Cortland all throughout the continent. Heavens, as a married woman, she could even possibly be with child!
At this thought, she scrunched her nose in distaste. Although Cortland was good-looking, she’d not ever really felt—well—like doingthatwith him. She had some idea of what occurred between a husband and wife to make children, but she found it unappealing to imagine experiencing such intimacy with Michael Redmond, the Duke of Cortland.
“Are you escaping another duke this evening?” Lord Hawthorne’s deep voice leapt out of the darkness.
“Did you follow me?” She shivered. For perhaps shecouldimagine doing what it took to make children with this man.
“Would you believe me if I denied it?” He took her arm and turned her to continue walking along the path. “Would you believe me if I told you I am here merely because I needed a break from proper conversation and the smell of cigars?” He tucked her hand into his arm and then nonchalantly strolled beside her. Surprised and curious, she glanced over to look up at his profile. He had long, thick lashes. Distracted by the intensity of his eyes, and the strong definition of his jaw and cheeks, she’d not noticed them before.
And then her gaze dropped to his mouth. Unnerving awareness tugged at her when she remembered how he’d brushed his tongue along her glove that day, slowly, wickedly. She’d been scandalized, of course, but also…intrigued.
“We should not be out here, alone, together.” Her own thoughts flustered her. “Is it your wish to compromise me? Are you imagining I would then be forced into marriage with you?” She was feeling prickly but continued traversing along the cultivated wilderness walkway beside him. As they walked deeper into the trees, the shadows grew darker.
“And that would be so disagreeable,” he said, “marriage to the Earl of Hawthorne?” He spoke of his title with disdain, as though he, himself, found it unpalatable.
She did not respond. They took several steps in silence.
“I thought we declared a truce,” she said after a few tense moments. She lifted her other hand to the crook of his arm and grasped hold as they climbed a small rise. “I am sorry for snapping at you. I am irritated with my father…” And then she corrected herself. “Not only my father. I am irritated with mylife.” The darkness made it easier to make such an admission.
He placed his other hand atop hers. “And why is that?”
“Have you not been listening to the gossip, my lord? I allowed a magnificent match to slip through my fingers. I could not keep my fiancé from allowing another woman to steal him away.” These spiteful words were not hers. No, they were sentiments she’d read in the papers before leaving town. “And now, I am here.” They had arrived atop the hill, leaving the trees behind. She released his arm and stepped away. Gesturing dramatically, she held her arms wide and threw her head back. “Banished to the country,, a disgrace to my parents.”
Realizing how self-pitying her words sounded, she dropped her arms and looked off into the distance. “She is a friend to me, you know, the new duchess. I am not angry with her, or with him.” Natalie knew she should not be outside, at night, alone with this rake. She did not wish to heed her conscience, though. Talking with Garrett Castleton was all too easy. She was being careless with her reputation. But as she’d already decided, protecting it had gotten her nowhere. She would rather run, or swim, or fly! She needed to somehow escape her own skin. She didn’t care what she did so long as she felt alive again.
She’d told the earl his stay here could be an opportunity for him. That he could find some respectability and perhaps establish a few well-connected alliances for himself. She’d told him he ought to take advantage of the situation for his own benefit.
Well, perhaps she too was being presented with an opportunity. If she truly wanted to know more of intimacy andphysical passion, was not a well-practiced rake the perfect person from whom to learn?
Garrett watched the different expressions flit across her face. In truth, he hadn’t considered the partshehad played in his own father’s diabolical scheme. Lady Natalie had been but a casualty, a pawn caught in the war his father had declared on Cortland and Ravensdale. Although innocent of any wrongdoing, she was being punished for circumstances completely out of her control. Watching her curl her arms around herself, he removed his jacket and placed it upon her shoulders. He itched to wrap his arms around her as well but would not. He most certainly did not wish to find himself caught in a parson’s trap at this time in his life. He had too much work to do.
He was also all too aware that marriage to him would be no prize for any lady.
“And now your father has chosen another duke for you,” he said instead.
She looked over her shoulder and laughed at that. Her laughter sounded brittle. “And I shall have to disappoint him once again.”
“What do you plan on doing to run the duke off?” he teased.
She turned to face him fully. “I thought I might spill my soup on him.”
“If he leads you in to dinner again, you could trip and fall, pulling him to the ground with you.”
“And grab one of mother’s flower arrangements as well. I could crack the vase upon his head and bury him in water and blossoms.”
“That should do it,” he said. He was glad to see her smiling again.
Pulling his jacket more closely around herself, she glanced back at him. “So, what do you think of Marcus?”
“Very cheeky of you,” he said. “To send me a valet who would have been devastated for life had I refused his services.”
“He is enthusiastic.” They began walking again. The well-maintained wilderness path would take them back to the manor eventually.
“Your family has very…interesting servants. I take it the butler is married to your housekeeper? Is your father’s valet married to the cook, by chance?”
“Whipple has never married. Marcus’s mother abandoned him when he was seven. I was just a child myself at that time, but it created something of a scandal…Not that Whipple fathered a son out of wedlock, but that my parents allowed Whipple to take him in. Marcus is a favorite of the household staff.”
Garrett shook his head and laughed. “And this poor boy wants nothing more than to become a gentleman’s valet?”
