I’m looking forward to seeing everyone, sure, but I’m mostly anticipating seeing Sam. Having her sit next to me and being able to touch her—to claim her—in front of my family has kept me moving all week.
And no, it’s not as barbaric as it sounds. We haven’t officially told anyone that we’re together and as serious as I’ve been with someone in terms of intentions, but they all know. My parents saw us together last weekend with the girls, Finn has heard about it over the fire, and Dec has been along for the ride since day one. May has, too, for that matter, plus she always has her ear to the ground for gossip. And Eirinn must know, because Davis met with us aboutSam’s order of protection, so he undoubtedly read between those lines.
Only Mac wouldn’t know, but he’ll figure it out whenever he makes his way back.
We shared stolen moments this week—a lunchtime walk around the park enjoying the trees all hinting at blooming, a fifteen-minute coffee date at Corner Coffee, and yes, a few kisses after I put the girls to bed.
I can’t seem to stay away from her for long, and miraculously, she seems to feel the same way. I haven’t figured out what to do with that part of me so bent on convincing myself I’m doing the wrong thing by being with her because the other half of me is continually grasping for another second with her. And all of me is in love with her, so there’s no beating it back. It’s a vivid worry, a splinter driving deeper now, that I don’t have enough to go around. I barely did before I had the girls, and now I have them, my family, and I’m adding in Sam, too?
Her car is already there when I arrive at my parents’ house. It’s not quite warm enough to eat on the deck, but in another six or eight weeks we’ll be taking these dinners outside. My dad loves May and June before it gets too buggy and hot, and he claims eating outside is good for us. Tonight, though, the usual clatter sounds from inside, and Poppy and Lily burst into the house, for once not upset to be a few minutes late.
“Gram, we brought you flowers!” Poppy runs to my mom in the kitchen at the same time Lily finds Sam, holding out a bouquet for her.
“We got you flowers, too, Sam! Dad said you finished a class or something? Good job!” She grins wide, smashes the bouquet between them when she squeezes Sam hard, thenruns off to receive her orders about setting the table, which of course my parents have saved for her.
Sam shoots me a smile.
“Oh, I didn’t realize we were all the way there.” May nudges me with her elbow and clasps her hands under her chin. “Does she know?”
My eyes narrow. “Know what?”
But as soon as I ask it, I know I shouldn’t have played into her little game, because she isn’t scared of saying it aloud like I am.
“That you’re in love with her, dork.” She gives me a glare like I’m a rude customer in her shop and not her oldest and best brother.
“Shh!” Dipping my head, I speak quietly and hope Sam’s focused on whatever story Finn’s telling her and Davis. “Don’t want to spook her after what she’s gone through.”
Don’t make her choose.
May blanches, then nods. “Right. Sorry.” She points at her head. “Sometimes I get ahead of myself.”
This reminds me too much of teen May, so I nudge her back. “Nah. You’re alright. Just don’t blow it for me, huh? I’m way out of my league here.”
She gives me her wide, classic May grin, and I know we’re past that rough spot we stumbled into. I’ll be thinking about this later, wondering if she’s struggling again, but I can’t pester her about it now or she’ll shut down.
“I’d never.” She winks, then scuttles off to the kitchen and I hear squealing from the girls at her arrival.
“How’s it going?” Dec offers me a beer, then taps the neck of his bottle to mine.
It’s such a Declan gesture. Even amongst family, he’s never going to be the loud one or demanding of attention,but he’s always tuned into us. He’s also persistently well-mannered, courteous, and thoughtful. Sometimes, I think we take it for granted because he’s always been like this, but I need to figure out how to let him know how good he is.
“Better than I could’ve imagined.” I’m at the point where I have no desire to play it cool. I’m not writing my feelings in the sky or anything, but I’m more than happy for my family to know I’m fully on board with where Sam and I are headed. And yet…
Dec’s smile is pleased. “Congrats. You deserve it. You both do.”
That old reflex to give him something and see what he comes up with hits. “It’s good. But I don’t want to push her.”
His eyes track between mine for a beat. “It’s okay to want something with her.”
I swallow hard. “I know. But—” I clear my throat, not wanting to feel anything but happy right now. I don’t want the pinch at my shoulders or the worry trying to rise in my throat. “I have one shot at this with her, and if I push, and it’s too soon, then…”
He shakes his head. “Ease up on all of that.”
He doesn’t have the answers, but I appreciate him giving me something. I know I should stop that spiraling warning in my mind. At least some of it is my old pattern of thinking rearing its head.
“Thanks,” I croak, and resolve not to let myself stay there tonight.
Our attention settles on Sam. She’s sitting in the living room chatting with Finn and Davis. Eirinn enters the room from down the far hallway that leads to most of the bedrooms and the stairs to the basement and second floor. She bends and says something to Davis.
