“It’s a beautiful life. This town, your family, your girls…” She shakes her head, glancing away to hide something.
I don’t let her, guiding her chin back toward me. Tears shimmer in her eyes, and I have the impulse to kiss them away. I have the desire to drop to my knees at the edge of the bed and worship her with my mouth. I have the gut-level need to tell her how I feel.
But for now, I keep it all packed away and weasel my way into more time with this woman. “How about we spend the day together? We’ll go pick up the girls and have a picnic lunch. You can finally meet the horses, and?—”
“Yes.”
We share a laugh at her enthusiasm.
“I’d love to spend the day with you.”
And I loveyou.But I don’t say that.
Not that I think she’ll run screaming from the room, but it feels like too much. And… what if she did?
We’re barreling toward something huge and the last twelve hours have been momentous. I want her to know how I feel, and I’m borderline desperate to know how she feels. But I know what she’s coming from, and I won’t push.
I’m also not sure it’s right for me to say those words when I’m not sure I can do right by her. I’ve barely held up my end of the responsibilities that come from being a son, a brother, a father, and a part of this town. Do I actually haveany more love to give? Can I actually be a partner to this smart, inspiring woman?
Yes, it’s there in my gut. If I don’t push and don’t force the issue by telling her how I feel, then she won’t be forced to make a choice. Sure, she could end up choosing me and no small part of me wants to believe she would.
But there’s historical evidence to show I might not get chosen. It might not be right for her to tether herself to me so soon after finally agreeing to try dating. Why would I rush this?
So for now, I just tell her I’m glad, and I rejoice in the day ahead I’ll spend with all three of my girls.
CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
Sam
I’ve always liked kids, but I’m not sure I’ve ever loved one. Much less two.
Until now.
Poppy is asleep with her head in my lap and Lily is nearly there, her lids growing heavier by the second as we near the tail-end of a double feature movie evening. And my heart is so full, I can hardly sit still.
These precious little people have become comfortable enough to fall asleep on me. Sleep is so vulnerable, and I know it’s not something kids think about, but I don’t take this lightly. It’s not unlike the way I feel when Bingley snuggles up in my lap or directly in the middle of my chest. Of course, a child’s trust is monumental, but it feels familiar. In fact, something about it makes me feel like my heart is heavy, almost heartbroken, and I can’t figure out why. It’s like it’s so joyful, itbecomes painful.
Is that love? My belief in love at first sight snapped into place the moment I saw these girls, but it has deepened into something almost unwieldy in so quick a time, I hardly know what to do with myself.
And if I’m honest, the same can be said for Grant.
Obviously, it wasn’t love at first sight with him. But the feelings I already had have ballooned without my consent or control, and I’m walking around with a heart full of so much love for this man and his daughters, I’m in danger of bursting.
It’s enough to smooth the ragged edges that dread dealing with Andrew’s overstep with the flowers last night.
“Five minutes, Lil.” Grant’s deep voice is a low rumble from the kitchen doorway.
Lily’s head pops up and she nods, then slides right back down to rest against me. I smile at Grant, and he just looks for a while. His gaze is gentle and almost distant as he takes in Poppy’s snoozing form, Lily’s lean, and what I hope he can see is my contentment. Myhonorthat these two would rest so well with me.
After another minute, he moves toward me and bends to slide Poppy into his arms. I press a kiss into her wild hair as he lifts her.
“Don’t move.” His gaze narrows on me.
I wonder if he means Lily, but then he adds, “Come on, Lil.”
“Night, Sam. Love you.” Her voice is raspy and quiet, yet another adorable thing about her.
“Night, Lily. Love you, too.” I send her a wink as she follows her dad up the stairs.
