“I’m good. Better than I ever imagined for just a few weeks here.” And as we sit on the couch and laugh at a movie in her adorable downtown apartment, the truth of those words resonates in me. I’ve been laughing. I’ve been crying.
I’ve let myselffeel, and I’ve had the privilege to experience more than just shame and frustration and a gut-level determination to get myself out of a situation of my own making.
By the end of the night, I’m exhausted, but so grateful to have a friend. My car putters along in the night, and even the dark roads and iffy sound my muffler’s been making can’t dull my spirits. I climb out of the little car, glad to be home and so close to my bed.
“How was your girls’ night?”
His deep voice makes me jump and I fumble my keys and purse as I swing around to see Grant Ryan standing there looking dark and handsome andrelaxed.
I’ve definitely never seen him in such a state—he has sweatpants low on his hips and slippers, and up top he’s got nothing but a T-shirt with a giant smiley face on it.
“Sorry. I’m sorry. I should know better than to sneak up on someone at night.” He runs his free hand through his hair, which draws my eyes to his ridiculous, muscular arms and the way the shirt pulls up and hints at bare skin underneath.
Tragically, it’s pitch-dark save the light over his porch and my door, so I only see the shadowy suggestion.
Pity.
This thought sends a little jolt through me, and I start moving toward my door so I don’t stay there and ogle the man in his own driveway.
“No problem. I should be more aware.” And really, I should be. Imustbe. It’s amazing to think of how quickly the hypervigilance I developed in the last few years has melted away. Not completely, because when does a woman lose that entirely? But for moments like this?
Apparently so.
“Wait, sorry. I should’ve said, this is for you.”
I turn to see him a few feet away holding out a glass container with a lid.
“It’s some leftovers from dinner tonight. My folks insisted I bring you some since you couldn’t be there.”
“Thank you. That’s so kind.” I’m stunned. I even feel a little guilty now, like maybe I should’ve planned to be there. Was it rude I didn’t go?
It shouldn’t be that shocking because I’ve been on the receiving end of so much generosity and kindness sincearriving here, but for some reason, this hits me hard and a nasty little voice whispers,don’t they know you’re not worth this effort?
“They missed you. Made me promise to send you their love and express their hopes you’ll join us next week.” He has the hint of a wry smile on his face.
Ugh. Stop. Halt. Cease and desist with that business. The striking lines in his cheeks and around his eyes, that flash of white teeth… it’s enough to put a woman into an altered state. It might as well be a set of abs turning my corn kernel eyes into popped corn for the way my heart is bouncing around in my chest and every atom is lit with interest after such a small gesture.
“Huh.” It’s the wrong response, but it’s all I can manage.
He steps closer and hands it to me. I accept the heavy container, gripping it with both hands.
I should say thank you again, or step away and go inside, but something keeps me there, and when I look up into his face, his eyes are boring into me.
“You deserve kindness, Sam. I hope you know that. I hope none of my trash personality has made you question that for a second.” He reaches out like he’s going to touch me but shrinks away at the last second and lets his hand fall. “Night.”
I’m nodding, begging my tongue to thaw and my mind to jumpstart into speech. But I just watch him go with a fearsome little voice echoing through me that says I like him.
Aw, shit. I really do like him.
I haven’t liked anyone in years. That sounds insane coming from someone who was married for eighteen months and has only been divorced for a little over a yearnow, but it’s true. I’m not sure I everlikedmy ex. I tried to love him, at least in some way, but I never liked him.
This is worse. This is dangerous.
I haven’t felt a pull like this in… ever. And I can’t afford to like my landlord, a single dad and town hero and boy scout of the mountain range when I’m a nobody from the city. If something goes wrong between us, I’ll lose not only my apartment, but a place that is rapidly feeling like home.
I like his family, I like this town, and despite all evidence of our first few meetings, I likehim.He’s gorgeous, yes, but he’s sweet to the people he cares about, and he’s good, and he’s ultimately quite kind.
It’s all so far from anything I’ve had, and it’s what I’m now cruelly forced to realize I deeply want. Now that one need is satisfied—new job and living situation acquired—my greedy little heart wants more.
