“And on top of everything else,” Mel says, “Ihad to be the one to find her.Ihad to be the one to find Mom. Of course, it wasn’t you. Of course, it had to be me.”
My heart stops. “What are you talking about? Dad found her.”
“No, he didn’t.Idid,” she says, and I hear the raw emotion in her voice. I try not to picture it in my head, Mel walking in on Mom’s lifeless body, but I can’t help it. And once I do, I can’t get it out of my head. “And I willneverforgive you for that.”
Her words beat me down, punch me straight in the chest, knock the breath from my lungs, split my heart in two.
It’s at that moment that the garage door opens, and Landon storms in.
“What are you doing here, Melanie?” he demands. At least I think he does. My ears are ringing. I can feel the tears streaming down my face. “Violet?Violet?What the fuck did you say to her?”
“Nothing she didn’t deserve,” Mel sneers.
“What is wrong with you?” I hear him ask, but I’m already gone, leaping out into the humid evening air and running across the lawn. I don’t even care that I’m wearing Vans instead of running shoes. I need to get away from my sister and everything she just told me. Everything she just accused me of. I need to lose myself.
I run. I run as far as my feet will carry me, turning down unfamiliar streets, darting through unfamiliar yards. I head in the direction of the beach, feet pounding the pavement, lungs screaming, pushing, pumping until sweat is pouring down my face. It mixes with the tears I’m sure I’m crying but can’t feel it because my face is numb. Everything’s numb.
I end up at the ocean. The salty breeze whips through my hair, and I sink down into the sand, my head falling between my knees as I try desperately to catch my breath. I lie back in the sand and stare up at the sky.
My body feels heavy and light at the same time I can’t-I can’t-I can’t-
Think.
Maybe I’m in shock.
It’s as if I’ve been viewing my childhood through a blurry lens. Dad worked. My mom was sick. The responsibility of caring for me mostly fell on Mel’s shoulders, and she tried her best. At least, that was my understanding. I shaped my entire perspective, my entirepersonality,around those beliefs.
But now…my sister’s brought everything into sharp focus, and I finally see the shattered pieces and the blatant cracks, all of it held together by clumsy glue and tape. None of it was as it seemed, and I think of all that time I spent trying to be good, great, perfect. Spending hours in my room so I wouldn’t be a bother, never expressing my pain, or fear, or sadness. Never complaining over how I had to stay at the school for hours after closing or scavenge for dinner on nights Mom couldn’t get out of bed and Dad worked late and stayed away, which he did a lot back then.
All because Mel didn’t want to deal with me.
I don’t know how long I sit in the sand. Long enough for the sun to move across the sky and the tide to push out. Long enough for my skin to burn and my tears to dry up. Long enough for the beach to clear out and clouds to move in.
I have no idea how Landon finds me, maybe because it’s the closest beach to the house, but it seems like no time at all before he drops down beside me, staring out at the ocean.
“Mel says I’m the reason my mom killed herself,” I tell him, each word scraping my throat as I force them out, burning my mouth like acid. I wrap my arms around my body, holding together the invisible wounds, gaping from the words my sister cut me with. A part of me wishes I could call my dad right now and ask him if what she said was real, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve kept so much from him since I left, and who knows how he’d respond if I told him everything? Maybe he’d agree with her. “She said she’s always hated me because of it. She said she’s always hated me, and I just… didn’t see it. All this time.”
“Violet,” he says softly, and I hang my head.
“I tried so hard to be a good person. To be kind and helpful and thoughtful. To never make anyone upset or uncomfortable. But none of it matters. I’m like…I’m like a black hole that sucked the life out of my mom. Out of my family.”
Landon’s hand wraps around mine, squeezing tight.
“Look at me.”
I can’t. Not without losing it.
“Baby. Look at me.”
His gentle words entice me to glance up, and his hand reaches out to cup my cheek, and I lean into it. His eyes bore into mine like I’m the only thing that matters on this planet. “You, Violet James, are all light. You brighten every single room you enter, and don’t you ever say anything otherwise. People are drawn to you like moths to an absolutely stunning flame, and when you smile, fireworks erupt. I believe with my entire heart that there were other demons at work and that your mother loved you more than anything. How could she not?Youare the fuckinghighlight…of the day, of the hour, of the minute.” His thumb brushes light across my cheekbone. “You’remyhighlight.”
“I don’t see how,” I murmur, but I can’t resist leaning into his touch. His warmth. His safety.
“Melanie is the one who casts the shadow. She made my life hell for the past six years, and in five minutes, she turned your world upside down out of spite. She came to the house with the sole purpose of causing us pain, and you can’t let people like that break you.” He squeezes my hand before bringing it up to his mouth, kissing it softly with warm, perfect lips. My heart stutters for a moment. “Wecan’t let people like that break us. Do you hear me?”
I nod, and he leans forward, brushing his lips over my forehead, making my eyes flutter closed. When he pulls back, he doesn’t move away. His arms wrap around me, gathering me to his side, and we lay back on the sand to stare up at the evening sky. It’s low-tide, and the water crashes softly against the shore in soothing rhythms that keep my pulse calm and my breathing steady. Landon’s hand strokes up and down my arm as I snuggle against the side of his body, resting my cheek on his chest.
“I thought you hated the beach,” I say after a while.
