I tap my temple with my finger. “Yeah, you can reprogram your mind to think in a more optimistic way. It helps with emotional intelligence.”
“My emotional intelligence is fine,” he grumbles.
I shrug. “All I’m saying is positive thoughts attract positive energy.”
He snorts and looks at me like he thinks I should be committed. “You don’t really believe that bullshit.”
“I absolutely do. When you see the best in people, it reflects back on you.”
I think back to the times my mom couldn’t see the positives in life. She couldn’t focus on the wins and always dwelled on the losses. To this day I have no idea why she did it, and I’ve wondered so many times why we weren’t enough for her. WhyIwasn’t enough for her.
She was ill, Violet. It was nothing we did.
Maybe that’s true, but I don’t ever want to feel like I’m not enough ever again, so I project the positives and forget the negatives. I try and push and persevere even when giving up would be the easier option.
I’ll never give up on myself.
I’ll never put someone through what she put me through, either.
“And I suppose you believe in karma, too?” Landon asks, pulling me out of the past and back to the present.
I shrug. “Yeah. Of course.”
He shakes his head, giving me a long, lingering look. “You’re just so…”
“I’m so what?”
Instead of answering, he grabs the bourbon beside him and takes a drink. “Opposite from Melanie,” he says finally. “I don’t know how I ever thought for a second you two were alike. It’s fucking comical now.”
“Yeah, I prefer baking to blackmail,” I mutter thoughtlessly, but when Landon freezes, eyes narrowing on me, I realize I probably should have kept that comment to myself.
“What did you just say?” he demands, and my stomach drops.
God, Violet. Why can’t you ever just keep your mouth shut?
“I…I’m so sorry,” I say, eyes wide. I drop my legs down and scootch forward on the couch, turning my torso to face him. “I don’t know why I said that. I shouldn’t have made that joke.”
“What do you know?” he asks slowly.
“I-nothing really,” I assure. “I overheard some of the stuff Mel was saying to you in the kitchen when you guys broke up.” Landon remains quiet, studying me with that too intense gaze, waiting for me to continue, and I fumble over the words. “And…and I heard her threaten you. Threaten to tell your parents about something you did.”
“And let me guess? Now you’re going to defend her,” he says, his tone bitter, “because Saint Melanie would never do something like that. Saint Melanie would never say those things. Saint Melanie must have been provoked by something you did or didn’t do, Landon. Something you said or didn’t say. Right?”
His eyes remain locked with mine in an unrelenting stare. I want so badly to look away, but I don’t. To do so would be cowardly.
“No,” I say softly, searching his eyes. “I thought the things she said to you were horrible. I’ve never heard my sister speak like that before. Not to anyone. I can’t defend that. I can’t defend her. I wish I could, but I can’t.”
I hold my breath, expecting him to rant and rave and yell. To scold me for eavesdropping and curse me for bringing it up so callously. But he doesn’t. He just sits there with that desolate, despondent look in his eyes. It’s more than sadness. It’s betrayal, and for a second, I’m worried that I’m the one who put that agonizing expression on his beautiful face.
“Landon?” I try.
“Your sister was the worst thing that ever happened to me,” he says finally. And then he takes a swig from the bottle. A long one.
I want him to elaborate. Is it heartache making him feel this way or regret? What did he do all those years ago that was so impulsive and careless? What was Mel holding over him, and how were they able to resolve it so suddenly?
But I don’t ask him those probing questions even though none of it makes sense. I push my curiosity aside because now’s not the time. Not during the storm. Not when he’s clearly torn up. Not when I started this conversation in an inappropriate way to begin with.
“Sorry,” I say, when the silence becomes too much. “For bringing it up. My mouth gets ahead of my brain sometimes.”
