“I’m okay. You’re okay. Huey’s okay.”
“I know but that may not always be the case.”
“It could be. Maybe getting away from everything back home for a bit helped.”
“It’s possible.” Or maybe he helped. Something certainly did, and I slept so hard I’m feeling a little foggy this morning. Is this what good sleep feels like? Who knows. It’s been too damn long since I’ve had it. But he’s right—everything’s okay.
There’s no blood anywhere. I didn’t have nightmares of men screaming and exploding in front of me. I stayed exactly where I last fell asleep, on Henry’s couch holding him in my arms.
“So, you think we could try again tonight?” He nudges his face against mine.
My chest tightens. Just because nothing bad happened while I was sleeping here with him last night doesn’t mean it won’t on another day. I used to have good days with Rory too. I had gooddays with everyone once. “I don’t know. How about we play the day by ear, huh?”
“Yeah.” His face falls a little. “Yeah, okay.” He pecks the corner of my mouth. “Hungry?”
“Yeah. Want to learn how to make one of my favorite comfort meals with me today?”
“Sure. What is it?” His face lifts a little.
“Arroz con leche. It’s like a type of rice pudding and is sweet like a dessert.”
“You sold me on pudding and dessert.”
I laugh. “Good. I’m going to take Huey out to pee and then we can get started.”
“Maybe I can start while you two are out there. What’s the first step?”
“We need a big pot with a lid, three cinnamon sticks, and one cup of rice.”
“Got it. Should be easy enough.”
He slowly stands from the couch first, and I get up behind him, resting my hands on his hips and kissing him on the cheek. “I really am glad I had the chance to wake up next to you.”
He looks up at me and smiles. “Me too. Even if I can’t convince you to do it again.”
“I mean, who knows, the day is still young, and everything did go well the first time.”
“Yeah. Very well. Unless I find weird things in my fridge or oven.”
My forehead creases. “What do you mean?”
“My cousin used to sleepwalk and would put people’s phones and keys in weird places when he did.”
“That’s kind of funny.”
“Yeah, my aunt didn’t think that so much when she found her purse in the toilet.”
I laugh. “I still think it’s funny.”
“Even if it happened to you?”
“Especially if it happened to me,” I say between chuckles.
He laughs. “You know something? I actually believe you.”
Joining him in his laughter, I walk with him to the kitchen and help him find the cinnamon sticks before heading outside with Huey. The frigid air pricks at my skin, reminding me I forgot to put on a jacket. I’m finding it hard to see things like that as important after being able to actually sleep with zero incident. I slept. For the first time in a while. It was the deep and rejuvenating kind too.
I got to see Henry’s first smile of the day, and his was the first scent that entered my nose when I woke up. And the best and worst part is, he wants me to stay over again. There are so many what-ifs that show up in my head whenever I take it into consideration. I want to. Of course I want to. I want him. All the time. Every day. Every minute of the day. I’ve never wanted anything like this. Not even Rory. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. Could I have been more of a risk to my ex because I didn’t want him enough? I’m really doing my best to rationalize everything bad I’ve done so I can have this with him. What the fuck is wrong with me? Too much for me to stay again, but every time I look over at my car, my feet back away, never letting me get too close.
