Getting wrapped in the shower curtain, I fight my way out of it and lose my grip on the tub, crashing to the ground. My side screams as I land hard on it and I roll to my back in defeat. Why do I keep thinking I can do this? Why does it have to be so fucking hard? Is it like this for everyone?
Slowly getting to my feet, I hold on to the closest thing I can reach and touch everything around me until my hand is finally brushing over my towel. Yanking it free, I let out a sigh and turn off the water, not caring about the leftover soap on my skin and in my hair. I use the towel to get it all off the best I can and stand in front of the mirror, reaching a hand in front of me until I’m dragging my nails down the damp glass.
It’s crazy to think about all the little things I took for granted when I could see. Staying where I am, I imagine what I must look like right now. Flushed and pink from the hot water. Eyes bloodshot from my shattering orgasm and skin all scratched up from my fall. I’ll never know for sure because seeing my own reflection will forever be a thing of the past going forward. After drying the rest of my body, I drag the towel around the floor with my foot, drying it the best I can before retreating to my room.
My hip has yet to forgive me an hour after I’m dressed and chowing down on my second peanut butter sandwich of the day. I can tell there’ll be a lot of these in my near future. They’re some of the very few items marked with rubber bands. That label-reading app is sounding good right about now.
I lick the tips of my fingers and lean against the counter as I reconsider watching the next movie alone. The idea doesn’t sit well with me no matter how much I try to convince myself it’ll be better for me if I do. I can’t get used to something else that will soon be gone. I got used to Travis and look where he is now. With someone else. Someone I also thought would be in my life for a while.
Rubbing the sorest part of my body, I grab my cane that’s hanging from the back of one of the kitchen chairs and pivot toward the living room. Once the back of my legs hit the couch, I lower myself to the cushions and rest my cane beside me. One more movie with him won’t hurt. It’s only two, and I did already agree to it.
Before I can think too much about how relieved he might be if I told him I was going to turn in early instead, I go to the app and command my phone to contact the last person who assisted me.
“Hey. Perfect timing. I just got done having a late dinner.”
“What did you have?” I say, settling further back on the couch and shifting my legs until I’m more comfortable.
“Nothing special. Leftover birria tacos.”
“Sounds like the perfect meal to me. It’s been a while since I’ve had Mexican food.”
“How long?”
I pick at the hole at the bottom of my shirt. “Probably a month or so. I can’t cook much and didn’t really leave the house much after the accident. I wanted to but . . . getting into a car isn’t always easy for me, and it was always too much trouble for Travis to want to deal with.”
“Look, forgive me if I’m taking things out of context here, but Travis sounds like an asshole.”
I nearly choke on my tongue. “Sadly, I don’t think you are. I think I was too in love to see what everyone else kept trying to point out to me.”
“And now?”
“Well . . . let’s just say I don’t have to worry about it anymore, because he helped remove that wool from my eyes when I found out he was fucking our neighbor and told me he was leaving me for him.”
The string of silence has me wondering if I’ve lost him, and then he says, “Right when I think he couldn’t get any worse, he does. Looks like the trash took itself out for you, and seeing the way these things usually play out, he’ll soon realize the mistake he made.”
“Yeah, maybe he will and maybe he won’t. Either way, I’m done with him and I’m never trusting him again.”
“Good. Now, as much as I want to continue being annoyed at this man on your behalf, I’d much prefer if we put all our energy into a movie instead.”
I let out a short laugh. “Yeah. That does sound like a better use for it. Speaking of which, you ready to hear my choice for the evening?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely.”
I smile at that. “I’m not sure you’re ready.”
“Oh, I’m ready. Stop with the suspense already and let’s hear it.”
“Hmmm.” I tap my lips, lifting the phone. “I don’t know. I like the idea of you trying to figure out what I’m thinking.”
“Do you?” He chirps. “And is it only movies in that head of yours?”
A rush of heat runs through me. “Maybe.”
“Either way, not sure I want to know for sure.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I’d like to pretend what I have running through mine is the same thing you have running through yours. So, if you tell me, then the illusion will be ruined.”
