My mind goes back to the man at the park weeks ago. He was so kind and had the nicest voice. It was smooth and . . . well, now I might have found my answer as to why he sounded so familiar through the app. I mean, there can’t be too many Rafaels with pet pigs. “I think it was him.”
“What was?”
“I tagged along with Travis to one of his yoga classes, and there was this guy I met. He said his name was Rafael. He had a pet pig named Huey.”
“Maybe there are two Rafaels in the world with pet pigs. You can always ask him if the pig in the picture is his and then go from there.”
“Nah . . .” I brush her off. “Then he’ll wonder why I was getting someone to describe his picture to me.”
“Everyone likes knowing who they’re talking to, and it’s even an option on the app.”
“Oh . . .” I lean against the counter, eyes pointing at the ceiling and wondering if I’m standing under the splash of blue paint I accidentally got everywhere when we repainted the kitchen. “And I guess it is true about wanting to know. Also kind of makes me feel normal.”
“You are normal.”
“Well, yeah . . . duh.” I run my fingers through the front of my hair. “You know what I mean.”
“Yeah.” She blows out a soft breath, taking my hand in hers. “How about we put all the groceries away and watch a movie?”
“You don’t have anywhere to be?”
“Nope, and it’s not supposed to snow for another two days, so the roads won’t be too bad to drive on if I decide to leave late.”
“As long as you’re sure that boyfriend of yours isn’t missing you.”
“I’m sure, and I could really use more time with my best friend. What better place to have a movie and hot chocolate night than a cozy cabin with a fancy-ass fireplace?”
I chuckle. “I could use more time with you too, and it is nice to be back here. I’m glad you came with me, even if it’s only for the first day.”
“Me too. Don’t forget, I’ll be here to pick you up too, and any other day you need me.”
“I won’t.”
Five
Henry
My confidence is taken down a notch only minutes after my friend leaves. I reach around me, settling back against the cushions once I’ve reassured myself I have everything I need within reach. It was something I did before too. I’d look down every twenty minutes to see where my phone or the remote wasbecause they always somehow shifted away from me as I wiggled on the couch from laughing too much at my favorite shows or movies.
I grip the remote, pointing it to where I’m sure the TV is, and run a thumb over all the buttons. Then I toss it to the side and grab my phone, pulling up the app on there and using the voice option to find a movie to watch. Not feeling very festive, I choose “Holidate,” hoping it’ll get me in the Christmas mood. It does for a while, and for the next hour I’m laughing and smiling.
I snuggle under the blanket, shoving cookie bark into my mouth. Janie left all my snacks in a basket on the end of the counter, and I opened five different things, insistent on finding what I was looking for on my own. I keep thinking about the popcorn sitting in there, wondering if the stovetop kind would have been a better option.
No, that risks burning the house down. I can almost hear Travis’s stern voice in my head now, and I hate it. I toss and turn, realizing it no longer matters if I face the TV or not. Not sure why I was doing it for so long. Force of habit. I’ve seen the movie before, so I can picture everything as it’s being described in careful detail.
I could get used to this. I think I am, but then when I put on a new movie, I want to see the colors of the sunset they mention. I want to see those deep green forests the actors are running through. I want to see the people’s faces and the way they stare into one another’s eyes.
I’ll never see a new face again, and everyone I do see will all be upcycled from people in my past. Sighing, I try to focus on the movie, I keep getting distracted by the thoughts in my mind and my stomach growling when popcorn is mentioned in a commercial. Gripping my fingers in the blanket, I toss it off my legs and place my feet on the ground. I grab my phone and hit pause on the movie before bringing up the Be My Eyes app.
“Contact Rafael.”
There are a few beeps before a groggy voice says, “Hello.”
“Hi.” I sit closer to the edge, straightening my hair with my fingers and lining the screen up with my face the best I can. “I didn’t wake you, did I?”
“Nah. What can I help you with?” he says between yawns, and my stomach knots.
Great, I used the app so I wouldn’t inconvenience anyone, but I’m doing that anyway. “I . . . I want to make popcorn but don’t know the microwave very well. Travis didn’t want me using it after so many failed attempts with every other appliance. Then again, he didn’t really show me or have time to show me, and fuck, I’m rambling. Sorry.”
