“I know it makes no sense.”
“It makes complete sense. Don’t get me wrong. None of this is his fault?—”
“I know that,” Stella says. “But he’s still the one who left.”
I reach for her hand, understanding what she’s telling me and yet knowing I went the exact opposite direction. “Then there’s me,” I say. “I took it out on everyonebutBrice. I was angry at the sun for rising when Brice couldn’t. I was angry at every person who walked down the street for having a best friend when mine was no longer on this earth. I was afraid ofever seeing you, of ever seeing your parents. I was certain it would hurt so much, and I’d end up angry at the three of you too.”
“That’s why you never came around?” she says—it’s a day of reckoning for both of us.
“That’s why. I was so busy being angry.”
Stella blows out a tired breath. “What if we stopped being pissed off and scared, Roman? What then?”
I study her face, her eyes, her lips, the way her hair waves down past her shoulders. Leaning closer, I peck my wife’s beckoning lips one more time. “I’m honestly not sure.”
Thirty-Six
I’m notsure what’s happening in my life or in my not-so-real marriage.
Here’s what Idoknow: Roman might have admitted to liking me last night, he absolutely gave me the best kiss of my entire life, and he slept right next to me again.
The man is a pro at boundaries. Once again, he stayed on top of my comforter and while wrapping an arm around me and cradling me close to him. He told me things Brice said about me. Things I’m not sure I would have believed had he not been so specific.
“Brice was so proud of your solo in the church choir. He said you sounded like an angel.”Roman didn’t go to church with us, and I sure as heck didn’t tell him about that solo.
“Brice hated your homecoming dress. With a passion. He said you looked all grown up, and he would have to beat off the seniors with a stick.”Roman didn’t go to homecoming his and Brice’s senior year, my freshman year. He had a soccer tryout in Vegas and missed it.
“Brice liked watching you using your pottery wheel. Hesaid it was relaxing. He said your hands moved like they just knew what to do without hardly any training. He said it amazed him.”
That one made me pause. “He said that?” I asked after being quiet for a full thirty minutes of Roman’s memories.
“He did. You amazed him.”
I fell asleep in Roman’s arms, tears on my cheeks, and feeling a little lighter than I had the day before.
This morning, Roman is up and cooking while I lie in my bed, thinking about all he said again and again. Until my phone pings.
Willow: I’m ready for my morning dose of Stella’s great at …
Me: Kissing. Stella is great at kissing.
And then, my phone is ringing.
I lower the volume of my cell before answering Willow’s FaceTime call.
“What does that mean?” she bellows—which is why my volume is down.
I peek at my door, but it’s shut tight, and Roman is nowhere in sight. “It means that last night, I decided that I’m excellent at kissing,” I whisper.
Willow’s jaw falls open half an inch.
“At least if I’m kissing Roman.”
“I thought there was no kissing. No kissing at all. You said he?—”
“I know what I said. He was being respectful. He was creating boundaries. He’s a gentleman, Will.”
“Jerry!” Willow yells, and thankfully only my bedroom and I are her witnesses. “Stella kissed her husband!”
