My voice was trembling when I replied, “I messed up.”
“You were grieving.”
I turned to her, shaking my head fiercely to shake the tearsfrom my eyes, and repeated, “I messed up.”
“Okay, that wasn’t what I was trying to get through to you,I was simply trying to guide your way to understanding the path you’ve been on.But if you have to look at it that way, sure, okay, you messed up,” she agreedhalf-heartedly.“Though it burns me that any woman takes responsibility for thecallous brutality a man can inflict, that burn runs deeper I hear that comefrom my own daughter’s mouth, but for now, I’ll let that be and just say, mybeautiful girl, don’t mess up again.”
“Life is not about finding a man,” I told her.
“Life is about finding happy,” she told me.“So don’t,” shejerked her head to the window, “mess up.”
“They all went at me, Mom.”Now I was talking about Bounty.
She’d pulled it together.
With that, it killed, but the water hit her eyes and shecouldn’t contain it.
It started leaking down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.“I shouldn’t lay that on you.Notyou.”
“Rosalie, honeypot,” she began, lifting her hands to brushaway the tears, “pray to God you learn, and when you do, trust me, you’ll learnthat as difficult as it is to take, as heavy as any burden might be, when awoman becomes a mother, she can bear anything for her child.So lay it on me.”
“I’m scared,” I told her.
“Of course,” she told me.
“I can’t think of another guy right now,” I shared.
“That’s understandable,” she replied.
“I just have to get through today.”
“Then we’ll get you through it.”
“I loved him before,” I whispered the admission.“Beforewhat happened happened to me.”
“What?”she whispered back.
“I wanted to make Beck into Snap.”
“Oh, Rosie,” she breathed, finally coming toward me, and ifI wasn’t wrong, there was a grin playing at her lips.
“Mom, it was stupid,” I said as she lifted both hands andheld my jaw carefully.
She tipped her head toward me, eye to identical eye.
“I just need to get through today,” I restated.
“How can I help with that?”she asked.
“Do you have Tillamook salted butterscotch ice cream?”
“Is my little girl in the vicinity?”
My grin was shaky and my nod in her hands was jerky.
“Spoons and the container and a marathon of Jason Bourne?”she proposed.
