At that word, it came rushing in, and I wasn’t strong enoughto beat it back.
And because I wasn’t, I couldn’t help myself.I didn’t evenfeel myself do it.
But I did it.
I burrowed into him, grasping his sweater in my fists,shoving into him like I wanted his flesh to soak me in and take away the fear,the shame, a life that was mostly misery.
“Okay, okay,” he soothed, his hold on me tightening.“Shh.I’m right here.Right here, honey.”
“I got…Igottabuild my castle,” Itold him mindlessly.
“I’m sorry?”
“But I can’t.I can’t build no more castles.I don’t got itin me.”
I was unconsciously rocking.
“Castles?”
I shoved my face in his throat and kept rocking.
“A moat.Big studded door no one can break through.Stonethree feet thick.Keepin’ me safe.Keepin’ me safe.”I sounded like I waschanting but it didn’t matter.I wasn’t even aware of what I was saying.“Ibuild my castles so they can keep me safe.”I swallowed, hard.It hurt and itfelt like Marcus felt it too because his arms got even tighter and he took overrocking me.“Just in my mind.They were always just in my mind.So theycouldn’t keep me safe.”
“You’re safe now.”
“I’ve never been safe.”
He shifted, his arms folding me into myself so I was alittle ball of Daisy held closely against him, “Okay, darling, but you’re safenow.”
“Iwannabelieve that.Iwannabelieve in castles.”
“You’ll believe,” he whispered.
“Iwannabelieve.”
“You’ll believe, Daisy.”
I said nothing.His warmth and scent and arms around me,rocking me gently with his body, started penetrating and I pushed in deeper.
The trembling was easing, my mind blanking, my eyelids heavywhen I heard Marcus ask, “In your castle, did you have a prince charming?”
And as I gave up the fight, allowed my eyes to close, Imuttered, “Thereain’tno prince charming for a girllike me.”
With that, I drifted to sleep.
My eyes opened and I saw daisies.
But I smelled bacon.
I dropped to my back in bed and stared at the ceiling, thenight before washing over me.
“Shit,” I mumbled.
I turned again, to my belly, snatching up my other pillowand shoving my face in it.
I smelled Marcus’s cologne.
“Shit,” I repeated but it was muffled to come out soundinglike, “Shfft.”
