Everyone else had been right.
I got treated all my life like I’d been treated becausethat’s who I was.
I wasn’t even trash.
I was nothing.
And coming to this understanding, I stared out the windownot seeing anything and I didn’t even try to build castles in my head.I didn’tsurround myself with a moat, heavy doors solidly bolted to keep the bad away,knights in armor always close to protect me, pennants flying to the glory thatwas me.The princess high atop a turret in a stronghold, a glorious,magnificent, grand castle made of impenetrable stone, safe and protected whereno one could hurt her with words or fists or anything.
You didn’t keep trash safe.
You threw it away.
But nothing?
Nothing was just…
Nothing.
I woke when I was lifted and immediately startedstruggling no matter the pain—throbbing in places, acute in others—that torethrough me.
“Shh, darlin’, quiet now, it’s only me.”
I went slack in Smithie’s arms.
He carried me to my bed.LaTeeshawas already there, folding back the covers.
She straightened and turned to Smithie and me as Smithiebent and laid me out on my sheets.
“You want me to help get you in your jammies?”LaTeeshaasked gently.
In answer, I turned my back on her.
I heard her sigh.
I felt Smithie pull the covers up over me.
He tucked them lightly around me and then I felt his lipstouch my temple.
I pressed my head into the pillows to get away.
“Baby girl—” he started to whisper in my ear.
“Not now, honey,”LaTeeshaadvisedher man.“Not now.”
“Fuck,” he murmured as I felt him move away.
The light went out.
I didn’t hear the door close and I reckoned this was becauseone of them came back.I heard a muted sound like they’d put a very full glassof water on the nightstand.
Only then did I hear the door close.
So only then did I feel it was safe to turn carefully, doingthis to my belly so I didn’t rest any weight on my scrapes, and I lookedthrough the dark.
There was a shadowed bouquet of daisies on my nightstand.
I stared at them and I did it focusing only on the darkenedshapes of the blooms until my eyes closed and I fell asleep.
