Even so, I lowered the boom.
“He could have told me.He had ample opportunity.He didn’ttell me.He didn’t tell me about the business he was in.He didn’t tell me hewas spending time with me and other times with his son.He didn’t let me in.Hedidn’t let me be a part of the conversation.Of the decision making.He didn’tlet me decide if I was willing to take the chances he wasn’t willing to take sowe could have a family.He kept us apart for his own reasons, and they mighthave been good ones, but he didn’t give me a say.”
I focused on my mom and kept going.
“I tried patience.Years of it.Years.He took mytime and our boy’s time, and he gave, but he didn’t give enough.”
I looked to my dad, and I wasn’t done.
Far from it.
“Yes, we had your love and support, and it meant everything,Dad.Everything.I don’t know where Liam and I would be without it.But you know damn well, it’s not the same.It’s not the same as a mom and dadliving under one roof raising their child.You could take my car to have theoil changed, but you did so much, I couldn’t ask you to, even though I had notime to do it myself, but it had to be done.You couldn’t pop by the grocerystore with a tired four-year-old to pick up something you forgot to buy whenyou were there the day before.I had to drag Liam to the store and heft him upinto the seat and get what we needed and get my boy home and fed and in bed ata decent hour.Then, dead on my feet, hit my computer to do my coursework.Ineeded him.Weneeded him.And he was there.But he still was a ghost.So I’m mad.I get it.Your point is made.You think I need to get over it.Butyou’ve gotta let me be mad for as long as it takes, and whatever shakes outafter that, you’re gonna have to live with.Because for sixteen years, I’vebeen living for whatever Darius Tucker felt was right.Now I’m going to make myown damned decisions about my own damned life.And he’s gonna have to live withwhatever those are too.”
I got out what I wanted to say, then before anyone couldutter a word, I hightailed it to my bedroom and slammed the door.
Sometime later, when I sensed the hubbub was gone(and frankly, when I could no longer resist the lure of the smell of cookiesbaking), I went back downstairs.
There was a tin of cookies on the island along with a notefrom my son that said they’d all gone to the hospital to visit his dad, andit’d be cool if I joined them.
I didn’t join them.
I ate one of Dorothea’s cookies.
The instant it touched my tongue, memories flooded me.Ofher, and Mister Morris, and lost youth, and wasted years, and dying hope, andas mad as I was, I hoped with all my heart these weren’t the first cookies shemade for my son.
I really wanted to cry.
But I didn’t.
I grabbed two more cookies, made myself some tea and went upto my room with my book.
Chapter Ten
Stupid Stuff
“Explain to me again why I’m doing this,” Toni,standing at my side, whispered.
“Because I told you what I was doing, and you told me I wasa damn fool, then I told you I was still doing it, and you said I’d be a biggerfool if I went alone, then I repeated I was doing it, and you made a big showof acting beleaguered, then you came with me,” I reminded her.
“On the record, you are a damned fool.”
“This client is hinky,” I told her something else I’dalready told her.
“How is that your responsibility?”
“I don’t have a job if the attorneys I work for getdisbarred.”
“So move jobs.”
“I don’t want to move jobs.I like my job.”
“So ignore the hinky.”
“I’m curious and I have to know.If I have the information,I can make an informed decision.Are the attorneys I’m working for doingsomething illegal?If yes, look for another job, even though I like my job.Ifno, stay in a job I like without my headspace being taken up with a clientwho’s hinky.”
We both jumped a mile when a woman’s voice remarked, “I knowwho can find out if your clients are hinky or not.”
We were both staring at the two people who had snuck up tous in the dark hall of the office building where Toni and I were lurking afterhaving hung out in the bathroom for an hour, waiting for the place to closedown.
