Final.
“You’re scaring me,” I whispered.
“I’ve been trying to do that from the beginning.You justbelieve in me so much, you wouldn’t let it penetrate.I’ll tell you, I thoughtI’d feel relief when you finally got it.But that’s not what I feel.I feel thesame way you feel.Except a lot worse.”
“Darius—”
“Take the blinders off, Malia, think about it and call me.We’ll talk.”
Oh God.
“I love you,” I blurted.
“I know,” he said softly, gently, and uneasily.“And thatscares me most of all.”
I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing.
“Think, baby, and we’ll talk,” he urged, now it was justsoft and gentle.“Try to sleep good.”
“You too.”
“Later.”
“’Bye, Darius.”
I said it and he disconnected.
I just didn’t know when he disconnected, he was going tothink too.
Think and act on what he thought.
Think and, to protect me, to protect our son, take thedecision out of my hands.
So that goodbye was going to last a whole lot longer than Icould ever imagine.
Chapter Seven
He’s Always Been Darius
Rock Chick Rewind
Also some time ago, but getting closerand closer to now…
I sat across from my son at our table in thebreakfast nook off the kitchen.
It was Saturday.That day, we were going to the new build tohave a look at the progress and make some final decisions about what we wantedin the house.
It was also exactly six months since that phone call withDarius.
He no longer replied to my texts or picked up the phone, butthe envelopes were still on my counter every month.
He’d made the decision for me, him, all of us.
Since then, I’d run the gamut of emotions.Anger, first.Fear, next (mixed with liberal doses of anger).Back to anger (of course).Resignation (also mixed with anger) after that.
Finally, acceptance.
And sadness.
