“Fuck,” he whispered.“I love it that you can ask thatquestion and it’s a genuine question, because you don’t know how deep this shitis, how it sucks you in until you’re under and you can’t breathe anymore.”
My heart was beating so hard, he had to feel it.“Darius,you’re scaring me.”
“Good, you’ll get it then when I say, I’m giving youtonight.Tonight, we pretend.And after that, like I’ve beendoin’, I’ll do what I can to look out for you.But thiscan’t happen again.Leon doesn’t know about you, and he can’t know.No one canknow.The more people know, the more dangerous it is because he’s the kind ofguy who puts his thumbs to something you care about to make you squirm.He didthat with me to keep Shirleen in line.He’ll do it to you and Liam withoutblinking.”
It was the first time he’d spoken our son’s name out loud.
“If Liam meets you, it’s not like he can tell this guy,” Ipointed out.
“Baby,” he said softly, “can’t you see?Think about it.Youdon’t have him, but you know he exists, but you can’t be a real part of hislife.If I get one look, I know I’m done.I won’t be able to walk away.Butwhat I do, what I got myself into, you don’t get out.You don’t get out withoutpaying in one way or another.And the fee for that is steep.I won’t letShirleen pay.You pay.Our boy pay.And I can’t make it so I can’t give you twowhat you need.I got no choice.I gotta stay in.”
“Forever?”
“I don’t know.And tonight, we’re pretending.We’re nottalking about that now.”
“Darius—”
This time, he put his whole hand to my mouth and said, “Youderailed your life to give our son to this world.That’s the sacrifice youmade.I fucked up.This is the sacrifice I gotta make.And you have to trustme, Malia.I sense you know, if I could, I wouldn’t be anywhere but here.But Ican’t.You have to trust that there are reasons why.Because it iskillingme, and if you add pressure, baby, I’m gonna cave.And I know what that couldmean, and I can barely live with being apart from you two, don’t make me livewith that.”
I wrapped my fingers around his hand, pulled it away, andsaid, “Okay.”
His relief was so great, he instantly buried his face in myneck and let out a heavy breath.
I turned into him and wrapped him up in my arms.
Because I might have agreed.
And he might think we were pretending.
But I knew the truth of it, my mom had told me that truthsix years ago.
I just had to grow up and learn the way of it.
Not pressure.
Patience.
In other words the bottom line was…
I had to take care of my man.
I woke when the bed depressed at my side.
I opened my eyes to see Darius, fully clothed, sittingbeside me.
It was early dawn.
“You’re leaving,” I mumbled, not bothering to hide I wasn’thappy about it.
He ran his knuckles down my cheekbone.“Yeah, but not beforewe talk about something we should have talked about last night.”
Last night’s convo hadn’t been fun.
Luckily, after I came to terms with what I had to do, Idistracted him by kissing him, which lead to a fresh round of orgasms for bothof us.But we were in a lot less of a hurry that time, so it took longer, andwe’d broken the seal, so in the end, our climaxes were less intense, but thatdidn’t mean they didn’t reach soul deep.
Or, at least, mine did.But the way Darius had looked at meafter he’d recovered from his, it was a guess, but I was thinking he felt thesame way.
I got up on a forearm and held the covers over my breastswith the other hand.
