Carlyle broke the silence and he did it using a voice soquiet, Dutch barely heard him.
Since Dutch was listening hard, though, he heard.
“Do you think he’s around somehow to know?”
“Yeah,” Dutch said.
Carlyle had nothing to say to that.
“Though, doesn’t matter,” Dutch went on.“I don’t forgethim.And I make a point to make sure he knows I don’t forget him, if he’s outthere somewhere to see, or not.But the bottom line is, his son is a man whomakes that effort.And he does because his father was a man who deserves it.And that’s all that matters.”
It took a few beats, then Carlyle muttered, “Yeah.”Hecleared his throat and said, “I haven’t been back.To Dad’s grave.Since thefuneral.Mom and Christian go.I don’t.”
It was Dutch’s turn to say nothing.
Carlyle was back to muttering when he said, “I should go.”
“You should do what you feel is right for you.What I do iswhat I do.You’ll figure out what yougottado andit’ll be right for you.”
“I see it in my dreams,” he blurted.“The hit.The blood.Him going down.The look on his face when I waspressin’on the wound, thinking I could stop the bleeding.Himsayin’in that raspy voice that wasn’t how he normally talked, ‘Getouttahere, son.’”
Dutch said nothing.Didn’t move.
His heart hurt, but he didn’t move.
He stared at a grave and listened.
“But his last words were, ‘Your momma…’ then he was justgone.”Carlyle whispered.“And it’s whacked because I think there’s somethingright about that.How I was there with him, but his last thoughts were of mymom.And I think what he was going to say was that he wanted me to take care ofmy mom.”
With that, Dutch clapped him on the back, but that was allhe did before he returned his wrist to his bent knee, murmured, “That is farfrom whacked,” and went on listening.
“Mom knows I’m having bad dreams but I’m lying to her andtellin’ her I’m not because I don’t want her to worry,”Carlyle shared.
“Stop doing that, Car,” Dutch advised.“She needs you andyou need her, and you all need to share this shit.Only balm she’s got rightnow is you and your sister.She’s got a piece of him right there through bothof you.Trust me, that means everything.Yougottalet her take care of you.It’ll help her.Like it helps you to take care ofher.I didn’t know him, but ’spectyour dad wouldwant that.You alllookin’ out for each other.”
It took a beat, but then he said, “You’re right.He’d wantthat.”
“You tell her your dad’s last words?”
It was forced when Carlyle said, “No.”
“You need to find a time to do that, man.She should know.”
“Yeah,” Carlyle said low.
They were silent another while before Carlyle again clearedhis throat and stated, “You know, we got friends.Family.But when I go off tocollege—”
Dutch didn’t make him finish.
“I’ll look after them.”
He wasn’t looking at the guy, but he still felt him relax.
“I think, uh…the first time I go, you know, if I, um, loseit or something, I should, uh…without them…”
He felt Carlyle’s eyes, so he turned his head to look athim.
“Will you take me to his grave?”he asked.
