Selene pushed her hair back, trying to carry the weight ofthis information. “Why put in all the time and effort to train us? Why make us the best only to have us gutter out into nothing?”
“There’s someone else pulling the strings.”
“We don’t have time for this. The competition is tomorrow. We have to prepare.”
Gigi’s smile was resigned. “I’m not here to win, Selene.”
And yet Gigi could win, like the twist of a knife. She didn’t even want it.
“So you’re just going to blow it off ?” Selene tried to keep her words measured.
“Losing Benson changed things for me. I have no choice but to perform, but I’m not going to win. There’s more to life than this.”
Selene swallowed. In a beat, Gigi’s dream had changed. Benson was the catalyst, a death of a dream. It seemed wrong to use his madness as a tool to further her own goals, but what choice did she have? He had said that it had to be one of them. Now that Gigi was out of the running, there was only Selene.
“Not for me.”
“You’re not listening to me.” Gigi threw up her hands and let them fall.
“I am listening.” She wondered what it would take. Some of his music, a drop of his blood, a scrap of his clothes. She would take whatever she could. Selene had to go to the Asylum. It was too late in the day now. But tomorrow. She could make this work.
“Then go. Some place, any place else. Whatever comes next, it isn’t what we thought.”
“You know I can’t.” She punctuated every word. How could Gigi expect Selene to give up everything she worked for?
Anguish and frustration lit Gigi’s face. “Come on, Selene. There has to be more for you.”
“Nothing else matters! Not you, not Benson, not Victor.” Selene felt her voice hitch, felt the scrape of her vocal cords. She had to relax, had to preserve her voice. “I don’t have a life to go back to. I have music and magic, that is all.”
“You had me.” There were tears in Gigi’s eyes. “Until you decided to keep secrets.”
“Half of my life is a secret, Gigi. You wouldn’t even begin to understand.”
“You’re right about that.” For once, Gigi was still. For once, she stood like a normal girl instead of moving through the steps of some invisible dance. “Whatever happens next, I hope you have the life you deserve.”
Selene couldn’t stay here any longer. She tore up the stairs and into her room, hoping to find solace in the clean, quiet space. But the room seemed wrong: too big, too empty. The cavernous expanse of the walls felt ruinous, the floor’s echoing steps didn’t sound like hers. It didn’t belong to her anymore. Soon some other girls would share the space and stay late into the night talking about their precious, fragile dreams. Selene wished she could crush them. She wanted to tell those girls that days turn to nights and nights turn to dawns and nothing stays as it should be.
Selene took the extra sheet music and settled into her practice room, waiting for the halls to quiet so she could slink back to the mirror. Waiting, while her fingers made war with the piano and she tried to string together notes into music. Waiting, as if she had any time at all left.
Chapter 34
Selene should have slept. She meant to. She considered it again and again. She wrote version after version of her song, trying to remember enough from the mirror to make a passable aria. She practiced the movements that would bring the magie du sang artfully. But it wasn’t right. It wasn’t the same without the ghost’s orchestrations. She even sang the soft lullabies of her father over and over,leedle-lie, leedle-lie, leedle-lie. And worse, the parade of people never ended. The halls boiled with activity, countless members of both the opera house and king’s staff preparing this grand event. Selene couldn’t getawayunnoticed if she tried. She went back to her room sometime before sunrise and wrestled with her restless thoughts.
What would happen if she gave up L’Opéra du Magician? She could forfeit her place and then what? There was no other place to call home. It had been more than a decade since she’d seen the cottage by the sea. She wouldn’t even know where to find it or if it could be hers. All she could do was step into the mirror. But then the ghost could give her a more impossible task, and she would have wasted her dream on one last shared breath. The ghost wouldn’t want her to ruin everything he’d taught her on goodbye.
If only she knew how to set him free. He’d have an answer for all of this, she was sure. The mirrors were coming. That should be enough. It had to be enough.
But what if it wasn’t?
He’d already released her of her vow. But she couldn’t do that to him or her father. She’d sworn on his soul and that meant something.
Swear on something that matters.
The ghost had sworn on his name.
His name.
Something that matters.
