“Son, please leave my daughter’s room before we have a problem.”
“I’m not leaving the room. Now we got a problem, what’s up?” Rashawn laughed, stepping in my father’s face.
“Rashawn!” I finally snapped out of my trance and spoke up.
“You ain’t nothing but the devil.” He pointed at Rashawn’s face, then looked over at me. “And I’m not raising a whore daughter who…”
POP!
Rashawn swung on my father in the midst of his rant, knocking him in the jaw. My father flew back into my roommate’s bed, and my mother’s shrill screams alerted theentire floor that there was an altercation taking place in my dorm room. Rashawn reached back and grabbed my hand as my mother rushed to console my father. He was light bright, and the punch left a mark and cracked his glasses. I scooted out of the bed and allowed Rashawn to lead me out of the room.
“If you walk out of that door with him, I’m pressing charges!” My father raged, fixing his shattered glasses on his face.
I planted my feet, ceasing my movements, and Rashawn looked back at me. “I don’t give a fuck about that. I’ll take the petty battery charge.”
“Can you pay for her college fees? Are you selling enough drugs to afford that?” My father interjected, pulling my attention away from Rashawn. “You need us, Elise. No matter what lies that thug filled your head up with. You need our annual signature on those financial aid forms. We pay what your financial aid and scholarships don’t cover. What, he bought you a phone and gives you money for food and whore clothes?”
Rashawn lunged at my father, but I held him back.
“Rashawn, it’s okay. I don’t want you to get in any trouble, and I should face the music,” I murmured, my eyes trailing to the ground.
“You don’t have to take his bullshit. Me and Essex told you we got you and we’ve had you thus far, right?” Rashawn grasped my face in both hands, forcing me to peer into his somber eyes.
I knew I was hurting Rashawn, but my parents were right. That type of financial pressure was too much to place on Essex and Rashawn’s shoulders. My knowledge of what they did for money was very limited and riddled with hearsay, but I was smart enough to know they were into something that could land them in trouble.
“I love you, Elise. I’ll do whatever I gotta do to make sure you finish school. I put that on me.” He patted his chest, a soft clink sounding as his palm brushed against his Jesus piece.
Lifting my hands to cup Rashawn’s cheeks, I stood on my tippy toes to peck his lips. I savored the moment because I knew deep down inside that the relationship we wanted to grow had come to an end.
“I love you, Rashawn,” I placed my forehead against his and took a deep breath. “You need to go. I’ll be fine.”
“You’ll always have my heart, Elise. I know you have to protect that halo,” he whispered back, and then planted a kiss on my forehead.
The agony behind Rashawn’s eyes wasn’t missed, and I prayed he could read the torment in mine. We’d grown close; he had helped me grow in more ways than I even realized, but I had to make the hard decision to protect my future.
PROLOGUE
Elise Marshay Hunter
NINE MONTHS AGO
My Instagram account had been popping more than ever since I posted pictures of my beautiful niece, Nova Victoria Hunter. I replied to the few comments from some distant friends I met in college, and the handful of women I got along with from my parents’ church. Every one of my twenty followers on my Instagram account was someone I could call, and they’d pick up. I was never into posting on social media because my parents were strict when I was younger, and I had to sneak on to lurk in the shadows. That continued into college as well.
Unfortunately, their overbearing nature didn’t end when I went to college. After sending Rashawn away from my dorm room that day, my parents took me home for the weekend. We went to church, and my parents forced me to repent for my sins and make a promise to be a better role model for the youngerchildren that looked up to me. Apparently, everyone felt entitled to dissect my new wardrobe, my association with Victoria, and the fact that I was seen with Essex again. My father turned my life into his Sunday sermon and made sure I was in the front row to hear about being led astray.
Oh, but my parents were sure to omit the sinful act that was my indiscretion with Rashawn when telling my business to anyone that would listen. They didn’t want anyone to know about that. It would shatter their image. Although Rashawn and I didn’t go all the way, my parents didn’t believe that, and I didn’t bother to argue after giving them the honest truth.
“Do you think I’m stupid? I know boys like Rashawn! They are takers. And they definitely aren’t giving and not receiving anything,”was my father’s response to the truth.
That weekend lit a rage in me I didn’t know existed. When I got back to campus, I made an appointment with a financial aid counselor to see if my father was being honest, and to my dismay, he was correct. I didn’t meet the qualifications to be an independent student, therefore I would require my parents’ signature and tax documents for my financial aid application every year. The only way around it would possibly be direct, unsubsidized loans.
Without any other options, I sucked it up and did what was necessary to obtain my degree. I went home for the holidays, answered when they called, and pretended like I was an exemplary child. After obtaining my bachelor’s degree, I went straight to graduate school while my parents’ wallet was open. Essex and Rashawn offered to cover my college expenses when they were in a position to do so during my junior year, but I couldn’t accept that when I learned more about how they earned their money.
The time I spent with Victoria and Essex wasn’t as public until after I finished grad school. Against my parents’ wishes, Irelocated to Tampa and secured a job closer to my brother. That was the reprieve I desperately needed. I paid my own way, and they no longer controlled every aspect of my life. We were able to maintain a semi-healthy parent-child relationship after that.
Although our budding summer romance ended, I saw Rashawn all the time. After punching my father in the face, Rashawn openly flirted with me, letting the world know he had a thing for me. I can be honest and admit that I backslid a few times over the years and let Rashawn give me head, but that was it.
At least until Victoria was murdered, and I had to check Essex into a six week inpatient mental health program in Lake Park. Essex wasn’t allowed visitors during the initial stabilization phase, which took a few days. As soon as Essex was allowed visitors, Rashawn and I started spending more time together. It was summer freshman year all over again. Every weekend, we drove three and a half hours to Lake Park to visit Essex. The facility allowed two visitation time slots on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, and we were there for at least the evening slot on Friday and both slots on Saturday and Sunday.
