We got checked in, and I was immediately led back to provide a urine sample before we were placed in an exam room. My nerves were shot while we waited for Dr. Lawrence, and I fidgeted with my hands. Rashawn noticed and slid his chair across the room so he was seated next to me.
“Why you doing all that? Why did your mood switch? What are you nervous about?” He quizzed.
“After having that abortion, I’ve always had a slight fear that I wouldn’t be able to conceive or I’d have complications due to my decision to terminate my last pregnancy.”
“You can’t think like that, Elise. In my psychology class a few weeks ago, we were discussing scrupulosity, which is a form of religious or moral anxiety, and all I could think about was you. Your parents always led with punishment instead of love, and you can’t continue to let their words hold you back for the few mistakes when you do so much good. Nobody is perfect, and I love you just the way you are. What did Pastor Harriet say that day in church? God hasn’t forsaken you. I remember how emotional you got when she said that, and it’s because you needed to hear that. You gotta believe that she was telling the truth. Stress isn’t good for the baby. We are going to think positive thoughts. When you feel yourself dipping into those thoughts, you repeat Pastor Harriet’s words,” Rashawn expressed, then pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“This is something that I have thought about all week. So much so that I went to find the church’s livestream from that day, and if you find yourself having those anxious thoughts and you can’t repeat Pastor Harriet’s words, I got them for you,” he detailed, then pressed play on his phone.
The video played, and it was that same church service we attended that day.“God is not disappointed in you! He has not forsaken you!”Pastor Harriet’s voice filled the room.
My lips curled into a smile as tears stung the corners of my eyes. I was so tired of crying already. Rashawn sent me the video, then stood and wrapped his arms around me. “Go ‘head, let it out, bae. It’s better to let it out than hold it in.”
“Rashawn, I just love you,” I expressed, allowing the happy tears to stream down my face. “You are exactly why I know God has not forsaken me. He put us in the same fifth grade classroom for a reason. It might’ve taken me a while to get with the program, but I’m here now.”
“Forever and always, Elise,” he expressed, leaning down to kiss my forehead.
There was a brief knock at the door, and Rashawn reached for the Kleenex to dry my tears while I told Dr. Lawrence she could come in. Dr. Lawrence entered the room with her usual bright smile, a cute dress, kitten heels, and that computer on wheels.
“Ms. Hunter,” Dr. Lawrence greeted me with both hands on her hips after abandoning her computer. “We just saw you at the beginning of October, and you were abstinent, and now we are six weeks pregnant. And you have a man accompanying you,” she bantered.
I beamed, silently lifting my hand to give her a good view of the new rock on my ring finger. “And engaged! Congratulations!” She squealed, bouncing in her heels. “Oh my God, Elise. I have watched you grow into such an amazing woman. I know you are going to be a wonderful mother. Now introduce me to the new fiancé.”
“Dr. Lawrence, this is my fiancé, Rashawn. We’ve actually known each other since elementary school. Secretly seeing each other for years because of my parents, but here we are now,” Iexplained. She was my doctor, but I always felt like family when I entered her office.
“Nice to meet you, Dr. Lawrence,” Rashawn extended his hand for a shake.
“It is nice to meet you as well, Rashawn. You make sure you take good care of my girl,” she eyed him before walking back over to her computer.
“I got her forever and always,” he confirmed.
“I love to hear it. She has happy tears, so I believe it. I’ve seen distraught women in here more than I’d like to admit, so I know the difference. Elise is in pure bliss,” she noted.
“I am. We are getting married tomorrow. Just my brother, his family, and Rashawn’s mom. Very quaint and intimate. My brother got married up there a few years ago, so his wife already had the connections to make it happen.”
“That’s wonderful. You have my cell number and email address. Make sure you send me pictures.”
“Of course,” I confirmed.
Dr. Lawrence got down to business, spouting questions that I answered while Rashawn held my hand, patiently standing beside me. We skipped the pap smear since I just had one in October. Then Dr. Lawrence got to the best part. I laid back on the exam table with my shirt lifted and pants unbuttoned. The warm gel felt odd on my stomach while she moved the transducer around my abdomen until a small blob appeared on the screen.
“This small circle is the gestational sac where the pregnancy is developing. And if you look closely, that tiny flicker is the heartbeat.”
Dr. Lawrence clicked around on her machine for a moment, then the rapid pattering of our baby’s heart filled the room. Rashawn squeezed my hand while he recorded the moment, his smile bright and showing every tooth in his mouth.
“And the heart rate looks right on track for a little over six weeks. Everything looks normal and healthy,” Dr. Lawrence notified us.
“You hear that? Normal and healthy,” Rashawn doubled down and kissed my forehead.
I nodded, smiling up at Rashawn, pushing myself to relinquish all the negative thoughts that had plagued me prior to our conversation. My mind was set on happy and positive thoughts moving forward.
EPILOGUE
FIVE YEARS LATER
Since Elise secured her position as the girls’ wrestling coach, winter and spring had been filled with wrestling for her and track for Nash in our family. Right after Elise’s wrestling season ended in February, Track season was ramping up. Nash graduated from high school the year prior, and I thought we would have Saturdays back to ourselves when wrestling season ended in mid-February. However, that wasn’t the case at all.
Essex’s oldest daughter, Nova, loved wrestling as much as her aunt, so my wife decided to start her own wrestling club. It was something personal for Elise. She had to sneak and scheme to participate in the sport that she loved, and the joy Elise experienced guiding the younger kids on the wrestling mat was immeasurable. I could see the endorphin boost she got every day after wrestling practice with the littles.
