“I’m serious, this is between us. Mind your business,” I doubled down, trailing Rashawn out the front door. I tried to shut the door on Essex, but he grabbed it and followed us outside.
“Mind my business? After both of y’all being all up in my business for years? Y’all both got some big nuts!” Essex shouted behind me. I couldn’t be bothered to dignify him with a response. All my attention was on his best friend.
Rashawn wasn’t slick; he was trying to get far away from me. His shoulders were rigid as he took long, deliberate strides and cut across Essex’s grass towards his truck. He was moving so swiftly down the inclined yard that he wasn’t centered.
“So y’all going to ruin the party and fuck up my grass?” Essex shouted behind us.
Ignoring Essex, I picked up my pace. I was thankful I’d dressed comfortably in the same outfit I wore to my tournament earlier. The high waisted wide leg pants, the yellow crop top that stopped right above the top of the jeans, and the yellow Nike Vomeros made it easy for me to move. Before Rashawn could reach the edge of the grass, I pounced.
My arms slid around his chest, locking just beneath his shoulders before he could brush me off. Rashawn struggled beneath my grasp, but the hold made it impossible to turn easily, and I already bent my knees into a squat to knock him off balance. Although he was taller and most definitely stronger, it didn’t matter when I was fueled by angst and rusty wrestling moves. The world quickly tilted as I guided us to the ground in the middle of the grass. We came down harder than I intended, but neither of us was dying. Rashawn emitted a startled breath when we collided with the grass.
A leaf covered my mouth, and I instantly blew it away while I caught my breath. We were on our sides, and I hurriedly wrapped my legs around Rashawn before he could scramble from beneath my hold. Thin, damp blades of grass brushed against my neck, and my legs were exposed as my pants slid up. I silently patted myself on the back for executing the move my girls were focused on in practice that week. Who knew that the extra practice would actually help in my personal life?
“Essex! Man, get your crazy ass sister off of me!”
“Didn’t y’all tell me to stay out of it?” Essex laughed as Rashawn thrashed within my grasp. Our bodies dug into the soil, and a damp mineral smell rose around us.
“Rashawn, I just want you to listen to me, and then after this, you can never speak to me again if that’s what you choose.”
“Man go ‘head,” he grumbled, relaxing in my embrace.
“I understand why you are upset. I should’ve told you about the abortion. Having it behind your back was wrong.”
“WHATTTTTT!?” Essex screamed from the porch. His voice echoed down the quiet block. I didn’t have to see his face to know that his eyes bulged out of his head when he shouted.
“Go in the house, Essex!” I shrieked.
“You know what. Y’all crazy asses got it!” Essex huffed.
I couldn’t see whether or not Essex left because we were facing his neighbor’s yard, but I didn’t care. I picked up where Essex had interrupted me, refusing to let him derail the moment. Whether he stayed or walked away was not my concern. I was prepared to confess my sins and profess my love to Rashawn in front of the entire world.
“There were so many times I almost told you about the abortion. Especially since we started spending more time together. I was about to tell you that day before my parents barged in. I wanted to make sure you still wanted to moveforward with telling Essex that weekend after you knew everything. But I never got the chance to tell you.”
“You killed our baby because you were so afraid of what everyone would think or say. Yeah, I would’ve wanted you to keep the baby, but that’s not even my biggest issue. It’s the fact that you confided in your parents but not me. After all we’ve been through, Elise. Deep down, I’ve always felt like you didn’t have confidence in me. Especially since January, when I laid it all on the line just for you to give me another hoop to jump through like you can’t already see that I’m moving differently.”
“I’m sorry, Rashawn. I didn’t treat you fairly. I dropped you off and picked you up when I felt like it. Holding both of our futures hostage because of my own fears. Wanting to live up to the expectations my parents ingrained in me, but I’m done with that. I promise. Honestly, I didn’t even tell anyone about the pregnancy or the abortion. I just did it. My parents only found out because my emails were still going to their desktop computer, and I didn’t realize it. They saw the emails confirming the procedure,” I divulged, silent tears streaming down my face. “That was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and it’s something I deeply regret.”
“I always felt like you didn’t have confidence in me, and you don’t. I would’ve respected your decision. I would’ve held your hand during the procedure. I would’ve taken care of you afterwards. And then, we would’ve discussed how to avoid an unwanted pregnancy going forward. I’ve gone all of these years without getting anybody pregnant. I only moved that reckless with you. But you didn’t have faith in the nigga that kept your secrets for what? Eighteen years?”
“I know I messed up, but I promise I have all faith in you now. I love you, Rashawn. I have so much confidence in you that I’m keeping this baby. I have confidence that no matter what,you will be there for him or her. Even if you don’t want me,” I confessed, my voice cracking as I anticipated his response.
“You pregnant?” Rashawn questioned. The bite of Rashawn’s previously cold tone dissipated and his words came out monotonous.
“Yes,” I nodded, my cheek rubbing against his low fade. My heart galloped in my chest as I anxiously waited for Rashawn’s response to the news. The silence between us felt suffocating under the starry night sky. My stomach twisted into knots, similar to how it did while I waited for the results of the pregnancy test two days earlier.
“You pregnant and out here wrestling that nigga to the ground? Clearly, you lost your mind! If you don’t get your ass up!” Essex’s scolding made me flinch and laugh at the same time. I should’ve known he hadn’t left me and Rashawn out there alone. Before I knew it, I was staring up at Essex’s scowling face.
“So y’all not going to get up?” He questioned, but we both ignored him.
I released my grasp on Rashawn, and he turned over in the grass to face me. My nervous system relaxed, and love bloomed in my chest when I saw the corners of his lips curl into a smile. His hand cupped my flat stomach, and my eyes drifted back to the pair of doting pupils staring at me.
Rashawn’s intense gaze moved across my face until they settled on my eyes again. He was searching for something buried deep in my soul. If it was the love I had for him, the sincerity of my words, or the fact that I was standing ten toes down behind him moving forward, he’d find all of that plus more. I was ready to start my forever with him. His lips crashed into mine, and my hands grasped the sides of his face while I deepened the kiss. Rashawn’s hands went to my back, and he pulled me in closer to him, my side skidding across the grass and leaves. An audibleaching moan escaped me as we deepened the kiss, our tongues sloppily communicating how much we missed each other.
“Come on, man! In my grass!” Essex groaned, and that time I heard him stomp off before his front door slammed shut.
We laughed, ending the kiss, and Rashawn cupped my chin, forcing my face upward until we were staring into each other’s eyes. “You really want this?”
“Forever and always, Rashawn. I haven’t seen myself with anyone else since my first weekend in college. I’m ready to behave like it. I’m on your time.”
