“Leave! And don’t come back! I’ll just have the locks changed. I don’t care anymore,” I sobbed, storming towards my place.
My parents were left in the distance as my dad hobbled on his cane. They conversed while I cried, hiccupped, and struggled to stay on my feet. Until that moment, Rashawn never looked at me with anything other than adoration. Hearts always floated around in his eyes. Even when we weren’t dealing with each other, that look Rashawn gave me before driving off told me that he was more than hurt; he was tired of chasing a love that kept slipping away. With the way that Rashawn spoke to me, I didn’t know if he would ever find it in his heart to forgive me.
“Move your car!” I shouted at my parents before rushing into the house.
I made a beeline to my bathroom and wet a rag to clean between my legs while I vigorously wiped my feet on my bathroom mat that was shaped like a large sunflower. The yellow and tan fabric was quickly soiled by everything stuck tothe bottom of my left foot and was probably irreparable, but I didn’t care at that point.
After my quick clean up, I snatched my purse off the counter and slipped my feet into my Crocs near the couch. I ran out the door just before my parents reached it. Locking the bottom lock, I ignored the deadbolt and rushed towards my truck. I was a desperate woman on a mission as I slipped behind the wheel of my Lexus and threw it in reverse. My parents were staring at me through the window, so I rolled it down.
“Move your car! I need to get out!” I commanded.
“Elise, get out of the truck and let’s go inside. You aren’t thinking straight.” My dad pleaded, tapping his cane against my window.
“No, I have to go,” I bawled harder, placing my forehead on the steering wheel for a few moments before lifting it again.
“We aren’t going anywhere until we discuss what transpired here today,” my mother quipped.
“Fine, don’t move your car!” I sassed, mashing the gas.
SKKKKRRRRRRRTTTTTT!
My truck slammed into my mom’s BMW; the metal folded up on both cars, but I was able to move her car enough to maneuver out of my driveway without them moving theirs. My mom’s hands were on her head, and my dad stood with his mouth wide open, shock washing over both of their faces.
“Elise, you’ve lost your mind. We’re going to have you Baker Acted!” My mother threatened.
“I’m not crazy. My mind is just fine, but I’ll show you crazy if you try me. I swear to God I’ll go live from the church’s Facebook page and tell all of my business! Is that what you want?” I blurted, waving my phone at them before I drove off.
At the red light to get out of my community, I went to the Find My iPhone app, and Rashawn’s head didn’t pop up on the map with everyone else’s. I continued my drive to Rashawn’shouse, pulling my emotions together enough to drive straight. Rashawn’s truck wasn’t in the driveway, and he didn’t have a garage, so I went to Ms. Sasha’s house, then Essex’s house, and finally to the basketball court he liked to play at. There wasn’t a sign of Rashawn or his truck in any of those places. With no other choice, I went home and cried myself to sleep, holding onto Rashawn’s shirt he left behind earlier just to inhale his scent to feel closer to him.
That was three weeks ago. Nearly an entire month, and I hadn’t seen Rashawn since. He blocked me on everything, and the last time I called Rashawn, his number had changed. A piece of me was missing, but I was doing my best to push through. We spent a blissful nine months testing the waters, and I was more certain than ever that I wanted to make it work. My world was bleak without Rashawn in it. The weekend after our big blow up fight was the annual car show to commemorate Victoria. I was looking forward to that event because I knew I’d be able to lay eyes on Rashawn and force the conversation. However, I could’ve vomited on Nariyah when she told me that Rashawn’s aunt in New Orleans was in the hospital and he wouldn’t be in attendance.
I struggled to eat and sleep since that day. The only thing that kept me going was my girls on the wrestling team. I had to put on a brave face and show up every day for them. Our first few days of practice showed me that they were dedicated to the team and had a lot of faith in me. I couldn’t let my personal life get in the way of that.
However, the separation helped me relate to Essex during his battle with depression after Victoria was murdered. His heartbreak had to have been a gazillion times more intense than what I was enduring. Since we were eighteen, Rashawn was never too far away, and if I called him, he came running. Having Rashawn’s love and attention snatched away from me was morethan I could handle. I was so desperate that I even drove around USF’s campus during the time I knew Rashawn got out of his night class on Tuesday to see if I would run into him along the way.
It was Thanksgiving, and I was desperate after Rashawn didn’t show up at Essex and Nariyah’s house. If Essex asked me what my problem was one more time, I’d probably confess all of my sins in front of his entire family. On the ride home, I decided to make a detour and stop by Ms. Sasha’s house. My heart pounded in my chest as soon as I spotted Rashawn’s truck against the curb.
I quickly exited my truck, unwilling to miss my opportunity to speak with Rashawn. Then the door to the truck swung open, and Ms. Sasha slipped out with a pile of plates wrapped in aluminum foil in her hand. My heart shattered when she alarmed the truck, making the horn beep, confirming that Rashawn wasn’t in the passenger seat.
“Hey, Elise. Happy Thanksgiving. What are you doing here? I didn’t cook, I just came back from feeding the homeless with the church.”
“Oh no, I didn’t come looking for a plate. I was looking for Rashawn,” I faltered.
“Rashawn isn’t here. He hopped on a flight to New Orleans with his cousin the same day he got out of school for Thanksgiving break. That knucklehead has been sleeping in my guest bedroom for a few weeks now, acting like he’s in mourning going in the backyard to smoke dope like I don’t know that’s what he’s doing,” she rolled her eyes. “Do you know what’s wrong with him?”
I fought my tears, hating that I caused Rashawn pain like that. It was never my intention for that truth to come from my parents. I was bursting at the seams to vent about our situation to someone. However, I knew if Rashawn hadn’t told his mom,then I couldn’t be the one to tell her our business. That would just be another betrayal.
“I can’t be the one to tell you his business,” I admitted.
“Okay, so that must mean you play a part in it if you know but don’t want to tell me.” Her left eyebrow suddenly hiked in suspicion, and I knew her brain was connecting dots. “Do you guys have something going on? Oh no. We have to fix this,” she bubbled. “You would make the perfect daughter-in-law. Whatever you guys have going on can’t be anything you can’t come back from. Let me call him.”
Ms. Sasha passed me the pile of to-go plates in her grasp and whipped out her phone. The phone rang twice, and Rashawn answered the phone on the second ring.
“Wassup ma?”He greeted her. My face instantly screwed up because the loud music and chatter in the background definitely didn’t sound like a man in mourning.
“Elise is here and …”
“And Ion wanna hear it. If Elise has a problem, she can call Essex. Or better yet, tell her to call her pops since she trusts him so much. Don’t call me for her again,”he grumbled, then switched his tone.“Alright, ma. I love you. See you when I get back.”Rashawn ended the call, leaving us with the three beeps before either of us could get a word in.
