I marched across the yard to his cabin, my heart pounding so hard I could feel it in my throat. The afternoon sun was bright,almost aggressive, and I squinted against it as I climbed his porch steps.
I didn't knock. If I hesitated now, I knew I wouldn’t go through with it. So I just opened the door and walked in.
He was standing at the window, his back to me, shoulders rigid. He didn't turn around.
"I told you to leave," he said, his voice rough. He sounded exhausted, like he’d been bracing for this moment ever since I’d walked away.
"And I told you I can't. I'm house-sitting, remember? I made a commitment. I don't break my commitments just because things get hard."
He flinched at that. Good.
"So here's what's going to happen," I continued, moving farther into the room. "You're going to turn around and look at me. And then you're going to tell me the truth."
"I told you the truth."
"No. You told me what you thought would make me give up on you. But I don't give up that easily, Kai. And I don't think you actually want me to."
He was quiet for a long moment. Then, slowly, he turned.
His face was wrecked. Red-rimmed eyes, jaw tight with tension, the mask of indifference completely gone. He looked like a man who'd been at war with himself and was losing badly.
"You should want someone better," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Someone who isn't broken. Someone who won't?—"
"Stop." I closed the distance between us. "Stop telling me what I should want. I know what I want. I want you."
"Emory—"
"You knew." I cut him off, stepping closer. "From the moment you saw me on that deck, you knew. I could see it inyour face. You looked at me like…like you'd been waiting for me. Like I was something you recognized."
His breath caught.
"Tell me I'm wrong," I said. "Look me in the eye and tell me you don't feel it. That this is just hormones, just a fling, just two people who got caught up in physical attraction. Tell me that, and mean it, and I'll walk out that door and never bother you again."
He stared at me, his chest heaving, his hands clenched at his sides. "I can't.”
"Can't what?"
"Can't tell you that." His voice broke. "Because it would be a lie. I knew, Emory. From the second I saw you, I knew you were going to change everything. And it scared the hell out of me."
"So you tried to push me away."
"I tried to protect you. From me. From what I do to people I care about."
"What happened to Kevin wasn't your fault."
I watched him flinch like the words physically struck him. "You don't?—"
"I do." I reached out and took his hands. He let me. "I'm a law student, Kai. I've studied liability and negligence and wrongful death. I understand the difference between a tragedy and a crime. What happened to Kevin was a manufacturing defect. It was an accident. It was horrible and unfair, and I am so sorry you had to live through it. But it wasn't your fault. And punishing yourself for the rest of your life isn't going to bring him back."
A tear slid down his cheek. He didn't wipe it away.
"I can't lose you," he whispered. "I can't. But I don't know how to do this without destroying it."
"You're not going to destroy anything." I squeezed his hands. "I'm not asking you to be perfect. I'm not asking you to have allthe answers or guarantee nothing bad will ever happen. I'm just asking you to let me in. To stop fighting this. To be mine."
"I've been yours since the first moment." The words came out raw, stripped of all defenses. "That's what terrifies me. I've never felt anything like this. I didn't think I was capable of it anymore."
"But you are."
