My eyes track her shoulders falling into a heavy shrug. I can see the pain she’s trying to shove down, almost like a mirror has been thrust into my face. “What do we do?” she asks, vulnerability glazing over her eyes. “Do we accept it and let them keep disappointing us?”
“I’m still figuring it out,” I say, letting out a weak laugh. I wanted to give her the answers she was looking for, but sometimes, answers can only be found through experience and pain. “I’ve been lucky enough to find people that fill those cracks and provide the things I never got from my mother. They may not be my family, but they care about me and love me unconditionally. I think that’s helped a lot.”
All of the faces of my friends and even my ex-husband float around in my head. Henry is also in there somewhere—smiling back at me with those big brown eyes. It’s a reminder that true family isn’t always blood, but it’s the people who continue to choose you day after day.
“Are you talking about Mr. C?” Julia says with a smile painted across her face.
“Yes,” I admit, without putting much thought into it. “He’s been an amazing friend to me and I’m lucky to have him in my life.”
The wordfrienddoesn’t sit right on my tongue. It tastes bitter and I immediately want to take it back. But everything else is true. I am lucky we met, and the thought of losing him taps on my shoulder and reminds me of the pain burrowed deep inside my soul.
Julia flashes me a knowing smile. “I like Mr. C. I know he’s supposed to leave at the end of the summer, but I hope he stays.”
“Don’t tell Mr. C I said this, but me too.” I smile back at her, hurt knocking against my heart. “But Julia, I meant it when I said your writing is amazing. You’ve found somethingyou can channel your pain into to make it something beautiful.”
Her hand reaches up and tucks a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “Thanks,” she whispers. Her feet shuffle back and forth, hesitant to accept the compliment. “You remind me a lot of Mr. C.”
“Oh, really?” I question, feeling the crease between my brows deepen.
“Yes,” Julia replies, letting out a small laugh. “You’re both good at inspiring people. You’ve both made me feel less alone this summer.”
A lump of emotion too big to swallow sits in my throat. Her words create a slow, rising warmth that races across my body and fills my chest with pride. “I’m glad, Julia.”
She lifts her head and smiles brightly at me, a spark shining through that wasn’t there before. “We should probably head back inside. I think Mr. C is going to make some closing remarks.”
“Yeah, of course,” I respond, forcing my head to nod. “I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”
Before she opens the door, she stops and turns toward me. “Emma. Thank you for listening when no one else would.”
I swallow hard and watch her disappear into the gold light casting out from the library. Tears threaten to assault my eyes for the millionth time tonight. I felt whole and good inside. Two feelings that weren’t complimented by the sluggish rate my heart beat at. The only person it seemed to race for was on the other side of that door.
But I couldn’t face Henry tonight.
Everything felt too fresh, and with each passing minute that he didn’t reach out, the pit in my stomach grew deeper and deeper. Selfishly, I wanted him to stay. I wanted us to find a way to make it work. But maybe he wasn’t the problem.
Realization clicks into place.
Henry didn’t have everything figured out, and I used thatas an excuse to guard my heart. I was still keeping him at a distance—Wren’s quiet encouragement not yet sinking in. Like a bad habit I couldn’t break, I convinced myself he would leave and never look back. I thought he would—no, I expected him to hurt me, so I never gave him a real reason to stay and fight for us.
Henry said he wanted me. I just didn’t listen. Didn’t believe that was enough to build a future on. But I was wrong.
My fingers curl into tight fists at my sides. I had spent my life waiting for people to prove they wouldn’t walk away, but l shouldn’t wait for love. I was tired of testing people to see if they’d stick around. I was tired of pushing people away.
I take a hard and shaky breath. I was tired, but I still had some fight left in me. And I intended to use that fight for Henry. For us.
I was done letting fear control my happiness.
CHAPTER 25
I’ve walked into this library numerous times over the past few weeks, but the door feels heavier today. I pause before I pull it open, letting the nerves take a backseat.
When I walk in, I expect to see Henry at the front of the room, ending the night. Instead, I spot his tall frame crouched down next to my son at the other end of the room. My feet stay planted to the ground.
“They’re cute, aren’t they?” Wren says, walking up beside me. “I know things are complicated between the two of you, but look how much Milo loves him already.”
My mouth goes dry, and it’s hard to ignore my pulse when it feels like it’s beating in my throat. I see Henry’s lips moving, and Milo nods in recognition. Milo drops the crayon he was holding in Henry’s hand and points at the paper, asking him to draw something, I’m sure. The way Henry smiles at him and politely takes the crayon makes my chest ache. His patience and steadiness with Milo just affirm my decision even more.
Wren nudges me with her elbow. “You okay?”
