I was so close to giving in and being honest with him, but it wasn’t that simple. Wren’s words echoed in my mind, reminding me that I didn’t need to know there was a future with Henry to see where things might go. I’m sure most people didn’t have this approach to the idea of dating, but most people didn’t have to sort through their trauma every time they needed to make a decision.
“Yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?” I say, forcing a tight smile.
Henry’s eyes scan my face with an intensity that makes me want to run away and never look back. “I don’t know. You just seem off. Was it something I said?”
I swallow the scoff threatening to break my impeccable façade. “No,” I answer quickly. “I’m fine, Henry. Really.”
A beat of silence drops between us, stoking the tension I refused to acknowledge. I keep my eyes locked on his, not allowing the slightest blink to fragment my ignorance.
“Fine,” he answers, almost too quiet to hear. “Are we still on for tutoring tonight?”
I search my brain for a valid excuse, but reason overwhelms emotion. I had a paper due this Friday, and I couldn’t afford to skip a tutoring session.
I nod my head and compel my voice to stay even. “Yeah, of course. Unless you have other plans?”So close, I curseinwardly. I just couldn’t tame my need to feel validated by his attention.
Henry pushes the edge of his glasses with his knuckles, hiding the crease forming between his brows. He could tell my words were riddled with a deeper meaning. “I’ll be there.”
I nod again, the motion making my entire body feel stiff. I keep my mouth closed, worried something else will slip out. Everything I tried to keep bottled up was slowly unraveling.
“It looks like some more of your students are arriving,” I observe, cocking my head to another student shuffling through the door.
“Okay,” he responds, clearing his throat. I think he might say something else and my body stills. If he pressed a little harder and demanded I show my cards, I’m not sure I’d be able to resist. Instead, he gives me one last lingering look. “I’ll see you later.”
When he turns away, I look down at my hands and notice the crescent indents fading from my skin. I had pressed my fingernails so tightly into my palms that they started to form a lasting impression, much like the impression Henry would leave long after he was gone.
CHAPTER 11
“This is great. You’ve really improved a lot from last week,” Henry comments as he finishes reviewing this week’s English assignment.
I relax in my chair and tilt my head with a smile. The tension from our conversation earlier is still lingering like a faint low buzz attaching itself to the back of my mind. But if it was affecting Henry, he didn’t show it. His focus was on my paper, and I was grateful for the shift. I welcome the idea of pressing pause on whatever unspoken things hang between us because I’m not sure if I can handle anything else right now. Or at least that’s the lie getting me through this moment.
“Thank you,” I say, forcing my mind to focus on the material and not the man helping me.
Henry looks up, his eyes piercing through me as he sets the paper down. “Your argument is strong, your thesis flows really well into your evidence, and the transitions are smoother, too.” I nod, feeling a warm flush spread across my face. My eyes dart to the other side of the room, hoping to avoid the proud feeling on his face.
“I feel abutcoming on,” I offer to stop the itch spreading across my body.
He smiles and nods. “Right. Like I said, your argument is strong, but with papers like this, you need examples to back it up. You have some great examples already, but don’t stop at summarizing. I need to know what this quote reveals about the character or theme, and it needs to be clear how it connects back to your thesis. Does that make sense?”
“Yes,” I breathe. If I’m being honest, I skimmed this week’s reading assignment. Milo has been fighting me at bedtime, and by the time I get him down, I’m too exhausted to fully comprehend what I’m reading. I am planning on taking more classes in the fall so I can graduate next spring, but I might have to rethink that plan.
“What’s wrong?” Henry asks, pulling me out of my thoughts. I look up, and it’s like a breath of fresh air to see the concern on his face.
“Nothing,” I lie, but pause before continuing. I was too exhausted to keep the mask on for much longer. The plan of focusing on my work was quickly slipping away, much like my willpower. “I mean—I had a tough time with the reading assignment this week because Milo’s sleep schedule has been all messed up. I get most of my work done when he’s sleeping.”
Henry eases back into his chair, and I swear his eyes become a lighter shade.
“That must be a lot for you. I can’t imagine having to worry about all of your coursework on top of raising a child.”
I shrug, trying not to mistake his understanding for something more. “It’s nothing new. I thought I could handle it. I’m planning on taking more classes in the fall, but I’m worried I won’t be able to manage it.”
He shakes his head, his eyes narrowing slightly in thought. “Emma, don’t worry about handling everything perfectly. Focus on what’s best for Milo andyou. You’re not a machine—you’re human. The fact that you’re even consideringtaking about more classes on top of everything else is impressive.”
I let out an awkward laugh, feeling myself relax in this moment with him. One minute, I was fighting off a jealous monster raging inside of me, and now I wanted to let him in. To tell him everything. Well, maybe noteverything.
“Impressive or insane? Some days, I can’t tell the difference,” I admit, sinking into my chair.
Henry’s lips twitch into a small smile. “Maybe a little bit of both. Maybe you should think about adjusting your course load? Even taking one less class could give you a little more breathing room.”
