“Excuse me?” I ask, feeling a fresh wave of annoyance grip the back of my neck.
He lets out a deep, but irritatingly relaxed sigh and tilts his head in a way that would feign innocence for anyone else. But I know better. There is nothing innocent about him.
“Listen, Emery,” he begins. The sound of my real namecoming out of his lips hits me harder than I’d like to admit. There’s something so soft and safe about the nickname, Bambi. “I’ve been avoiding you. Well, I was trying to, but apparently I did a shit job.”
Holy shit. This asshole was trying to ghost me. Anger boils up my throat, but I choke it down. “And why would you do that?” I ask, tension coating every syllable. My jaw feels so stiff, I’m surprised I can say anything at all.
“Because I like you, okay,” he admits, running his hands through the unruly curls on the top of his head. “And not in a fake dating or weirdly platonic friend way—in the I can’t stop thinking about you for more than five seconds way. You’re so ingrained in my brain that every tiny thing reminds me of you. It’s like the second you moved back, you opened this Pandora’s box of emotions I was prepared to let suffocate with my sad, teenage, broken heart. And maybe I even knew this before we started our stupid deal, and that’s why I kept up this dumb charade.”
“I wanted a reason to be close to you because I knew it was going to take you more time to get to know me again. To forgive me. And that’s why I didn’t tell you about Henry.”
My body feels stiff and motionless. Like, even if I wanted to run away and block out all these senseless feelings, I couldn’t. “What about Henry?” I ask, furrowing my brow.
Knox mashes his lips together and lets his gaze fall to the floor. “Henry offered to co-sign my loan. Nothing is set in stone yet, but I’m pretty sure he’s going to do it.”
I clench my fists and try to grasp onto my emotions. A storm of anger and irritation surrounds me, but I’m too overwhelmed to know which is which. “Okay. So, you didn’t tell me sooner because?—”
“Because I knew you’d walk away,” he says, cutting me off. “Or at least I thought you would. I kept telling myself that you were scared of us and that you’d come aroundeventually. You’d see the man I’m trying to become and change your mind.”
I close my eyes and try to breathe in and out slowly, but it’s no use. “See. This is exactly why we’d never work. Even after all these years, you still can’t be honest with me. You should know exactly how pissed off that makes me. You created my trust issues, you ass.”
Maybe bringing up the past was a low blow, but I don’t have the energy to grapple with my maturity right now. Right now, I want to make him hurt as much as I do. And it works too. His face crumples with the same regret I’ve seen countless times this summer.
“I’m sorry, Emery. I’m sorry for everything. But I can’t change the past. I can only try to prove to you that I’m not that scared little boy anymore. I want a future with you, and getting this loan should be the start of that—not the end.”
Everything he’s saying makes me want to drop to my knees and forgive him, but it’s not that simple. I feel the longing tug of that future he’s talking about, and I can almost see it if I think hard enough, but after everything, I still can’t let myself fall.
I blink back the frustration building behind my eyes. My gaze darts around the room, looking for a quick exit. I need space to think before I strangle him or kiss him. I’m not sure which would be worse.
“I know you didn’t mean to hurt me,” I say, pushing a heavy breath out of my lungs. “And I can’t deny that I’ve been flirting with the idea of us, too. But you lied to me, Knox—maybe not directly, but you still withheld very important information. I don’t know what I would’ve done when our agreement ended, but that wasn’t for you to decide. You don’t get to decide what scares me. But I guess we can figure it out now because I’m officially ending this dumbass deal. Fuck—” I curse, banging my knee against the side of the work bench.
“Shit, Emery. Are you okay?”
Knox steps forward like the redeeming hero he is, and when his warm, calloused hands wrap around my arm, I want to give in, but I can’t. At least not right now.
“Stop,” I say abruptly, shaking his hand off me. I think my body whines when I do it, which makes my stubbornness the only redeeming quality I have left. “Just stop, okay? I can’t—I can’t think when you’re touching me.”
I brace for the impact of his smirk, and even though I see the slightest twitch of the corner of his lip, he keeps his face neutral. Longing puddles in my chest.
“I need to think,” I explain, softening my voice. I press the palms of my hands into my eye sockets and squeeze out what’s left of my composure. “Can you give me some space for now?”
He doesn’t answer right away. His storm-clouded eyes travel over the length of my body like he’s trying to plot his next move. My skin shudders under his gaze. Even his eyes are too much right now.
“Yes,” Knox says, breaking the silence between us. “If that’s what you want, then I’ll give it to you. But don’t mistake that for me giving up. Because I won’t. Not this time.”
His words sink into me like a solid anchor, making it hard for me to put one foot in front of the other. I not only know he means it—I feel it.
I start walking toward the door, but before I can get too far, he places a hand firmly on the door. “Emery, wait.”
I clench my eyes closed, feeling my heartbeat painfully loud in my eardrums. I don’t trust myself to look at him.
“I meant every word,” he says. “Every damn one.”
My shoulders sag, but I keep my chin focused ahead. Everything feels so tight and strained. I need air.
So, I nod slowly, waiting for him to slowly release his hand. Without another word, I open the door and step outinto the summer night. There’s a slight chill in the air—a friendly reminder that summer is almost over.
I keep my head focused on my truck, but I can feel him watching me through the window. Every time I’m tempted to turn around, I pinch the inside of my index finger and keep focusing on the satisfying crunch of gravel under my boots. I have to shove my hands into my pockets to keep them from trembling.
