Was it lust? I had never felt such a thing before in my life.
Frustrated, I stood up and set about cleaning up after our lesson, choosing to focus on only that until there came a knock on the door to my rectory.
Thinking it must be Guinevere coming back to finish our conversation, I hurried over with an apology already on my lips.
“Gwen, about earlier, I’m sor—” I began, pausing when I realized that the person on the other side of the door was not, in fact, the omega queen who had run away from me.
“Apologies, Wizard Merlin,” Bedivere said as he stood awkwardly in front of me. I had known the alpha since we were all young boys, and yet he still remained as formal with me as he had the day that he was inducted into the knights of the round table. It was one of his most annoyingly endearing qualities. “Is her majesty here?”
I frowned at him, trying to glean whatever I could from his stony expression and coming up with nothing of use. “She is not.”
There was a short pause before: “Where has she gone?”
I shrugged, feeling suddenly irritated. “Who knows where her majesty goes, certainly not I.”
Bedivere did not seem to approve of my answer, but as always, he was far too polite to say so. The man turned on his heel and moved to leave.
“Wait,” I said begrudgingly, reaching out to put a hand on the man’s shoulder. “Come in and tell me your woes and I shall share mine.”
I was not sure what I thought I was doing, but the words were out before I could stop them.
Bedivere’s dark brows drew together in confusion. “You wish for me to come in and ‘share my woes?’”
“Why not? We have known one another for decades now.” My words sounded false and high pitched even to my own ears, but I had an inkling that Bedivere may be the only person in the entire castle who just might understand my feelings today.
He looked as if he wanted to deny my request, his eyes darting between my face to the rectory behind me. Then he finally let out a sigh and stepped over the threshold.
“Would you like something to drink? Mead?” I asked, suddenly nervous as Bedivere stood observing the room. He rarely ever came in anymore when he accompanied Guinevere to her lessons and he had not been a fixture behind our queen for some time now ever since she had bonded to Gawain.
“No,” Bedivere answered gruffly, offering me nothing else. It was evident that I would need to be the one to lead this conversation or I feared we would be sitting and staring at each other until the moon was high overhead.
Gathering my resolve, I flopped down onto my settee, the same one that still smelled faintly of honeysuckle. Never before had I wished that I had the same sense of smell that humans with a designation did.
I wished to be able to dig my face into the covers and inhale deeply andknowhow I felt because my gods-given instincts were telling me so.
“You spoke with Guinevere earlier today, yes?” I began with a sigh, keeping an eye on his expression that gave nothing away.
“I did,” Bedivere replied, never one to lie even if he wanted to.
“And did she leave happy?”
There was a pause before his lips pulled into a deep frown. “No she did not.”
The words hung in the air between us and I was unsure of whether I wanted to continue on.
But I did anyway.
“She did not leave happily from here either and I fear it is for the same reason.”
Finally, Bedivere’s neutral demeanor cracked and surprise replaced his blank stare. “What would be those reasons, wizard?”
“I… she asked me if we could share our magic through something more than a simple touch.”
“Ah,” was all Bedivere said, sounding very much like I had earlier when I was speaking with Guinevere as understanding dawned on his face. “And you rejected her?”
“I did not even get the chance to,” I told him honestly. “But I am uncertain if I would have or not. Nothing in the gods’ visions have shown me to be a part of such a thing as a pack. I do not even possess a designation.”
“The gods’ portents may not always be correct,” Bedivere pointed out, his silvery gaze slanting away from mine. “They can make mistakes just as you or I can.”
