“It is not for someone like you to do, your majesty,” Bedivere told me softly, reverting back to the more formal way of referring to me.
Despite my pain earlier, his use of my name had made my insides flush with warmth. The gruff way it had rolled off his tongue was better than anything I could have ever imagined.
“Call me Guinevere, please,” I pleaded, reaching out to stop his hand as he prepared bandages.
Bedivere’s shoulders sank as he avoided my gaze. “I cannot.”
“Why?” I asked, my question loaded with more than just asking him to call me by my name.
That was the impetus of it all. After coming to terms with the fact that Ihadbeen pulled into the past to be a part of a pack—even though I had never considered being a part of one before—I had never considered what it would feel like to be rejected by said fated mates.
Bedivere liked me and was kind to me, but he kept a firm wall between us, one that had only grown since Gawain and I slept together for the first time and bonded.
“Your majesty, hold this here,” Bedivere said as he handed me the end of the bandage. I did as he asked, pressing the end of the bandage into my palm and watched as he slowly, painstakingly wound the bandage around my hand. He had to stop several times for me to move my hand so he could continue wrapping. “Now hold this so I can knot it.”
Once he was finished, he held my hand up for both of us to see. “This is why I cannot possibly become your alpha, your majesty, not because you are not beautiful and not because I do not want you, but because I cannot even bandage your hand on my own. An alpha is meant to protect their omegas—and I cannot even protect myself as I am now.”
My heart hurt for him as I watched him glance down at the empty sleeve.
“Is that why you live out here instead of in the castle with everyone else?”
Bedivere shrugged. “I am no longer an active knight. There is no reason for me to stay within the castle’s walls when I am not able to defend it.”
“That’s stupid,” I told him, my words harsh enough to make his dark brows rise with surprise. “You are still just as much a knight as you were before you lost your hand and anyone who tells you differently will have to deal with me.”
In spite of himself, Bedivere’s lips twitched up into a grin. “And how will you protect me, my queen?”
“I’ll drown them,” I said simply, though I wasn’t sure if I was even capable of doing such a thing on purpose.
This time Bedivere laughed a thick, gravely laugh. I wanted to bask in the sound of it and let it roll over my skin.
Then, without thinking, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.
Bedivere froze—the same way Gawain had when I kissed him in his room—but instead of melting into the kiss as Gawain had he remained frozen, his hand still gently gripping mine.
“Your majesty…” Bedivere pulled away, his face falling despite the desire evident in his eyes.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted and stood up, not wanting to hear the man’s soft rejection and nearly knocking him over in the process. “I have my lesson with Merlin, so I have to go. Immediately.”
Turning, I fled from the room like the coward I was, my lips still tingling from such a bitter kiss.
“Why are you in such a mood?” Merlin asked as he watched me try and fail to keep the ball of water I conjured up high in the air. Instead, it sloshed to the floor, wetting the hem of my dress as I let out a frustrated growl.
I didnotwant to explain to Merlin that I had just failed to shoot my shot with Bedivere in such a spectacular way, and Merlin for his part, had ignored my bandaged hand with the same deference.
That did not, however, keep him from asking me ridiculous questions as I became ever more irritated with my inability to control my magic.
“I amnotin a mood,” I grumbled as I lifted my hands and pulled the water from the stone floor again.
It wobbled precariously in the air but still managed to stay afloat.
“Clearly,” Merlin commented dryly as he circled around me so that I could see his face. “Try forming a shape—any shape.”
Gritting my teeth, I imagined a heart taking shape in the glob of water floating before me.
In the end it was a bit lopsided and more butt-looking than heart-looking, but I was still pleased nonetheless.
At least I could do this.
