“Wa wa.” There was panic in his steely blue eyes as he cradled my face in his hands, and I could barely get a hint of his spearmint scent.
He released my face for a moment to hold his hand out for something. Then, he lifted my hand, which had been sitting limply in my lap, and uncurled my fingers before pressing a handful of something into my palm. Theo then folded my fingers over whatever it was, and pressed my fingers into it.
The first sensation that I was finally able to register, other than his minty scent, was cold. Whatever he had put in my hands was cold and wet. Confused, I looked down at my hand and saw that he’d put a handful of crushed ice into my hand, and it was steadily melting in my closed fist.
I watched the ice melt before glancing back up at Theo who was still crouched in front of me.
“Hey Little Bit, there you are.” He said softly, a relieved smile on his face, his words were no longer muffled, and I could finally understand everything that he was saying. “We’re going to run through a little exercise, just stay with me, ok?”
“The first thing I want you to do is to look around at five things you can see. If you can say them out loud, great, if you can’t it’s okay to just think about them.”
I followed his directions, almost robotically. Wally was the first thing my eyes landed on, he was sitting on the coffee table behind Theo and bathing his gray fur with furious licks. Next to Wally, was a vase of calla lilies that needed to be switched out with fresh flowers sooner rather than later.
Next, “Palm tree.” I croaked, my voice practically a whisper as I looked at the plant that sat next to the fireplace.
“Curtains. Matteo.” I glanced at the window that Matteo was leaning against. The alpha was watching me carefully, his dark eyes glued to my face as I finished Theo’s task.
“Okay, now think about five things you can hear.” Theo tapped his ear with his free hand.
This was easier, “Dishwasher, television, windchimes....” I listened carefully, “Aria in the next room talking with Cobb.” I finished.
“Good job, one last thing, name five things that you can feel for me.” Theo’s smile was encouraging, and his thumb ran steady circles over the top of the hand that was still gripping the rapidly melting ice.
“Ice.” I nodded at my hand, “Your fingers. The material of the couch. My clothing....” I had to think about the last one for a minute, “My feet hurt.” I realized looking down at my gauze-wrapped feet. I’d forgotten all about the fact that I’d cut my feet up when I had dropped my coffee earlier.
“You cut them earlier, remember?” Matteo pushed away from the window to join Theo in front of me.
I nodded, “yeah, but they didn’t really hurt at the time.” My words were coming easier now, and I shifted, my body feeling stiff.
“It’s been a couple of hours since it happened,” Matteo slid his hand into my free one, entwining his fingers through mine. “You scared the shit out of us, Tibby. We couldn’t get you to snap out of your head. I’m a doctor, I should have realized exactly what was going on. I’m sorry.” Guilt and anger at himself filled the handsome alpha’s face, and he raked his free hand through his dark curls and left them standing straight up.
“What happened?” I asked, it felt like only a few minutes had passed since the story had broken on the news. But looking at the screen now, a new anchor had taken over, and an hour and a half had passed if the time in the corner of the screen was anything to go by. Had I really been sitting here for that long?
“I knew that you struggled with anxiety, but have you ever disassociated like this before?” Theo asked, finally reopening my palm and using the handkerchief from his breast pocket to mop up the puddle of water that was leftover from the ice.
Disassociation? I’d heard of the term from Gary before, but my anxiety had always erred on the side of panic attacks and night terrors. Vocal and loud, I always said, just like me.
“No, I don’t think so.” I replied with a shake of my head.
“I should have recognized the symptoms,” Matteo repeated again, misery in his voice, as he pressed a kiss to the skin of my palm, his facial hair tickling the skin there. “Especially because Theo used to struggle with it so much.” He glanced at Theo who just sighed.
I could feel his emotions as if he was shouting them at me, and after going so long without feeling anything, it almost hurt to feel his anger towards himself and his misery.
“Matteo, why don’t you go and check on Aria and Cobb. Let them know that Tibby is back with us again?” Theo, who had been watching my expression like a hawk, asked the other alpha and he reluctantly complied. He pressed one last kiss to my forehead before heading into the dining room, his voice soon joining the conversation in the other room.
I was feeling more and more like myself by the minute, and I reached out to lay a cold hand on Theo’s cheek before asking, “you’ve disassociated before?” The word was a little clumsy on my tongue as I’d never said it out loud before.
Theo nodded, closing his eyes for a moment and psyching himself up with a deep breath, “Have any of the others told you about why I left the FBI?”
I shook my head.
“I took a bullet to my shoulder five years ago in the line of duty. I stepped in front of a bullet that was meant for Cobb, actually.” Shrugging out of his jacket, Theo guided my hand to his left shoulder, pressing my palm into the mangled mass of scar tissue that lay underneath his thin dress shirt.
“The bullet shredded through most of the muscles in my shoulder, the doctors said that not one of my joint muscles escaped unscathed from the bullet. It also nicked an artery and I died twice on the table. I was incredibly lucky that they were able to resuscitate me.” A gasp tore out of my throat at the realization that Theo nearly died, and I looked up from where my hand still rested over the scar, meeting his solemn, steely blue eyes.
“Waking up, I was in some of the worst pain that I’ve ever felt. Not only that, but my pack was missing a person that should have been there when I awoke.”
This was the catalyst that had ended Cobb and Theo’s relationship, I realized with a jolt, and Cobb’s place within Pack Simmons.
