I’m sorry I’m not telling you how I feel right now, even though you are a wall away, laughing at whatever Charlie said.I keep looking for the words, but I can’t find the right ones.
I am ashamed.I feel like the embarrassment of the family because, after all the money Mum and Appa spent on my studies, I can’t even go to Trinity anymore.Because of one stupid mistake.
I can’t come to you either because I don’t know how to face you as the failure of an older sibling who comes to their responsible younger sister for advice.
I miss you.I know you can tell that something’s wrong with me.I don’t know how to pretend it isn’t.
I hope you kept going.I always assumed you would.You were never the kind of person who let things stop you for long.
I’m sorry I didn’t say any of this when I had the chance.
Yours,
Ollie.
I put pressure on the place where my thumb is holding onto the letter, I rub it, hoping that the paper gives way to reveal an additional sheet with more of Apollo’s words.But it doesn’t.I lie on the bed and press the letter onto my chest.‘Oh, Apollo.I was right next to you.’
27
Cooper
It is almost twelvehours since Luna kissed me (and I kissed her back) in my house, but my phone has no messages or calls from her.I almost want to go to Kingston to see her in person, talk it out with her and let her know that I made a mistake letting her go all those years ago.But I don’t.I want to give her space to process everything that happened between us and think about how she feels, but I am also afraid that the kiss last night was a momentary act of nostalgia and that she doesn’t still love me or want me back.
I shake my head and hope that I am able to shake the thoughts out of it, too, but I open my phone moments later and go through the photos of Luna and me from when we were together.We looked happy and young, and in love.I lock my phone and groan, realising that I am a grown thirty-year-old adult male going through the photos with my ex-girlfriend and yearning.My therapist wouldnotbe thrilled to hear about this.I need to wait this out for a few days and contact her so that we can talk about this like adults.
I go through my morning routine like a well-oiled machine and pack my bag to visit the gallery for a couple of hours.Today is my day off, to work on painting new art in my studio – with the high-quality paints that Leo ever so kindly gives me a staff discount for, even though I don’t work there anymore – but I get out of my house to get fresh air and distract myself from the recurring thoughts of Luna and her lips.
I spend half an hour returning emails from buyers, and I simultaneously ignore the constant requests to buy my painting of Luna titled ‘Her’that I had hung up in my gallery until a few days back.I decided to give Luna the painting, and it belongs to her, whether she wants it or not.I package the other paintings which have been sold and give a hand to my team of four amazing employees whenever they need me.I text Shiva to catch him up on the catastrophic updates of my love life, and his supportive responses soothe my wounds.
The day goes by painfully, and Leo comes into my office with a strawberry milkshake in one hand and a banana milkshake in the other.‘Well, well, well.Look what the cat dragged in.’He snarls at me.
I grab the strawberry milkshake from his hand and sip on it to soothe my anxiety.‘How did you know I was here?’
‘The concerned messages I was receiving from your employees, saying they saw you come in to the office on your day off with a long face, might have helped.’
‘Right.’I let out a long sigh.
