‘But no one else’s opinion matters as much as yours, Luna.’
My heartbeat quickens; I am beginning to realise how dangerous it is being this close to Cooper again, being vulnerable with him again.My heart is betraying me by reacting to his presence.‘Cooper, please ...don’t.’
He clenches his jaw; the muscle ticks.‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.I’m sorry.For everything.’
I stay silent.I want to accept his apology, take it as the closure I need, to move on from him entirely.
‘Will you come with me to my house?I have something I need to give you.’Cooper fills the silence.
‘You know I can’t.’
‘Please?’
My mind rages against me, everything in my body screams NO.But the curious side of me wants to know what it is that he needs to give me.It will all be over after this.Maybe he has something of mine that he wants to return.And so, I nod.
25
Luna
Cooper’s house is withinwalking distance of the gallery.We walk up the stairs to his apartment, all the while my thoughts are spiralling.I keep coming to different conclusions about what he is going to give me.The permutations and combinations are endless.He helps put a pause to my thinking when he unlocks the door and invites me inside.I step into the house and look around to take in the sight of his new house, the clean and pleasantly designed interior with light tan walls, a navy-blue couch and a wooden coffee table.It forces me to remember all the years I missed from his life and realise that I don’t know the version of Cooper that stands before me.The house doesn’t have an ounce of my essence in it.But somewhere deep within me, I hope that I can leave the ghost of my presence in his house, which could be enough to be connected to him when I am 400 kilometres away from Earth.Why would you want to be connected to him?The voice comes back louder.
I move around with hesitation, mentally capturing every inch of his house because this is going to be the last time I will be in this house.I don’t know how to exist around Cooper without feeling like an intruder in his atmosphere.I am close enough to touch, but I am years away in distance.Cooper notices me standing and encourages me to take a seat on his couch that is positioned next to the balcony.The couch engulfs me in its softness, and my nerves settle down a little.‘This is a beautiful house, Cooper.You’ve done a great job in making it feel homey.’
‘I tried,’ he says.The bashful smile makes a reappearance.He always had a hard time accepting compliments.
My throat feels dry, but before I can say anything, Cooper leaves the living room and disappears behind a door.He comes back holding a glass of water, which he points towards me, and waits for me to take it from him.Once I do, he sits on the bean bag opposite me.It baffles me how much Cooper still knows me and can read my thoughts without me having to voice them out loud.Seven years is a lot of time.People grow into different people over time.Yet, the core of us stays the same.
I slowly sip the water and search the room with my eyes to find more clues about the grown-up Cooper.Silence fills the air around us, and neither of us utter a word for some time.But the entire time, Cooper’s gaze stays on me, strong enough to be a touch.I try not to look his way because I don’t know if I can look away after our eyes meet.My sight catches on the balcony and specifically at the telescope pointing towards the sky.‘I don’t remember you having a telescope before ...’My words are laced with uncertainty.
‘I didn’t.I got it a few years back.I wanted to track the ISS so that I can practice for when you go on the mission.I thought I could keep an eye on you for your parents.’He speaks while his eyes fixate on the telescope.He continues looking at it without realising the impact his casual words had on me.
How does he know about my mission?Why does he still talk to my parents about me?Why does he care?Does he still care?The questions in my head threaten to spill out of my mouth.But thankfully, my vocal cords restrict them from getting out.
‘I met your Dad at my gallery opening a year back; it was kind of him to make an appearance, even after the way I hurt you.He even wrote an article featuring my gallery afterwards.At the opening, he told me about your ISS mission.He might have shared your Mum's and his worries and fears about you travelling far away, so I thought I’d help a little.’This takes me out of my train of thought.‘Hence.’He points to the telescope.
My heart tightens because his words mean that he is still the same thoughtful Cooper who shows people through his actions how much he loves you.I cannot afford to go down this road again.I shove the feeling further down my heart.
