I smile through the pain, but I am grateful to have Luna here with me.I shake off the sadness.‘It’s okay.I’m okay.’I try to be alright for her.
‘No.It’s not okay.And it’s okay to not be okay, Cooper.It’s not a race to move on from it quickly,’ she adds promptly.
‘And the worst part is, I still make sure to watch every meteor shower.’
Luna’s eyebrows crease.‘Why is that?’she asks, her voice soft as a feather.
‘My Mum told me all the time growing up that my dad used to bring me outside to watch meteor showers with me.And that is my only memory with him where I was actually happy.I didn’t want to let go of it.’
Luna’s breath catches, but she nods.‘It’s a way for you to hold onto him.’
‘Yeah,’ I say and nod my head, but moments later, the tears fall.
Luna slowly sits up on her knees, moves closer and puts her legs on either side, straddling me.She puts her arms around my neck and holds me tightly in a hug.
I hesitate for a second, but I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her into me.My brain stops spiralling and only focuses on memorising this moment with her so that I can replay it in my head when it’s over.
11
Luna
Every inch of my studydesk is covered with things, but they are all in their designated place.My laptop lies in front of me, open with my final thesis report for my master's – my textbooks stacked beside it on the right and my journal in front of me with the page open where I track all of my PhD applications.I haven’t applied to many in quantity; I gave it my all for the ten places that I applied to.
It has been a long and productive day.I haven’t seen Cooper since two weeks back when I was over at his place baking, laughing and being lost in our own world.We agreed to take time off from hanging out because we wanted to focus on our projects, considering that they would single-handedly decide our future in our fields.A lot rode on my final presentation going well today.I couldn’t afford to be distracted, no matter how much I missed seeing Cooper’s lopsided smile and the sharp smile lines.Even if Cooper is a master with his paint brushes, his final painting for his postgraduate would take him time and effort.
I strike off the things that I completed from my journal and do a final skim read of my report before I press the submit button on the screen.With a final click of the mouse, I have finished my master’s.One year of hard work, stress, pain, loss and hope are all over.Excitement and anxiety emerge in my stomach.I did my best with the PhD applications and the interviews for them – I will get in somewhere for sure, but I can’t shake the feeling that I will be missing something major if I leave.
But right now, what matters is that I am going to meet Cooper by the riverside for sunset; our favourite time to be there, when the sun says goodbye for the day and settles into its long slumber.I rush to the shower, freshen up and pull on a woollen sweater to keep myself warm from the particularly chilly autumn wind.I close my room and walk towards the stairs, but I slow down when I pass by Apollo’s room.It still hurts to look at it and remember that he isn’t inside.I haven’t been able to go inside since he died, and today isn’t any different.I try to gather the excitement of meeting Cooper and run down the stairs, but I pause right at the end of the stairs to look over at my parents cuddling on the couch.My heart glows because they still found happiness in each other after losing Apollo.
My parents – Kate and Vikram – met each other thirty-five years ago, in a library.They couldn’t be more different from each other; Appa is an art critic, and my Mum is a mathematician.However, they both reached for the same novel from either side of the aisle, which sparked a conversation between them.Things progressed quickly, they fell in love, got married and had Apollo in a few years.He was their golden boy, and losing him to his split-second decision was like a dagger to their chest.But their love for me and each other still keeps them strong.
I am so glad that I convinced them to let me stay at home with them for my master’s, even though they wanted me to study elsewhere and gain experience.I couldn’t leave them after everything happened.While I am lost in thought, Appa turns towards the stairs and notices me standing there, admiring them.I observe the details on his face – I haven’t reallynoticedhim ageing for so long.His hair is still dark, even after years of growing old; freckles are scattered over his dark brown skin, and he has a smile so bright that it can bring light even to the darkest days.‘Hikanna, come say hi to Appa,’ he says cheerfully.
‘I finished my final presentation – which went well – and also submitted the final report,’ I say as I walk over to my parents.
‘That’s amazing, Muffin!Congratulations on finishing the course.We are so proud of you.’My Mum says without letting a second pass.Her face immediately brightens as she says that; she means it.
