It’s just pheromones.
I kept telling myself that, but my dick didn’t care. It got hard, anyway. I palmed it, willing it down, but the pressure made it even worse. I squeezed it, slapped it, and threatened with retribution, but the pervy fucker liked all that. It was when I said, “Fuck it,” unbuttoned my pants, and pumped both my cumand my confusion out. I came all over the washer like a goddamn animal, cursing God for making me feel this way. Yes, I was that pathetic, and yes, I made a fucking mess, but at least my dick didn’t hurt anymore. When I finished, my knees gave out, and I ended up on the floor, feeling defeated. At that point, I gave up. I headed to the bedroom and opened the cabinet drawer that was a proverbial altar to my obsession. It was proof of my addiction to the human-sized drug I craved day and night. It was a tribute to my insanity and the reason I felt so ashamed all the time.
The said drawer contained:
The pillowcase Adam Markland slept on after he got wasted at my party and fell asleep in my bed
The towel I used to wipe blood from my lip after Adam punched me, because he found me asleepin my bednext to him
The cologne I stole from his locker because he pissed me off after calling me a weirdo for the umpteenth fucking time
The birthday card he’d left on my desk, and I knew it came from him because it said: Happy birthday, and drop dead!
I was putting his shirt in the drawer when my phone rang.
“Hey, you,” I answered, smiling. “I thought you had forgotten all about me.”
“Pfft. As if, although Idohave a wedding to plan. Sex toys to order. Fiancée to take care of. Et cetera.”
Lucius Luz Zablonsky was my best friend. I met him after he’d gotten himself involved in the Butcher of Smitsville case way back when, and I liked him from the get-go. Luz had a way of infiltrating himself into the lives of the people he liked, so we started hanging out. Initially, I thought he was using me to get Bazooka’s phone number, but in time, we became friends. Luz could be vexing at times, but he wore his heart on his sleeve, andhe was loyal to a fault. Levi “The Bazooka” Bradley was his fiancé now, so you could say that Luz’s relentless chasing had paid off. Since Bazooka had been his obsession for a long time, Luz was the only one who could understand mine. Still, I hesitated confiding in him because he didn’t like Adam, along with the rest of the population.
“How are the wedding preparations going?” I asked him.
“Oh, just a bunch of things going wrong because the universe hates me. The venue I wanted got stolen from me, the photographer cancelled on me, and I couldn’t choose a cake if my life depended on it. I swear, I gained a few pounds because Dotty keeps coming up with new recipes. I hope I can still count on you as my best man, Jordie, or I will go mad, I swear.”
“Pfft. Duh.” I joked.
“Not funny.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course you can count on me, you ridiculous person. How is Bazooka?”
“He’s good. Working too much, as always. On the bright side, it gives me plenty of time to redecorate his flat in New Mesa, and trust me, it needs redecorating. That man didn’t know curtains existed before he met me. Oh, and between the two of us, Baz has the stamina of a stallion. There are days when I can’t walk after he’s finished with me, and if someone knows how to take a dick, it’s me.”
“God, Luz,” I groaned, pouring myself a shot of tequila. “Too much info. Jesus.”
“Speaking of dicks, how is asshole Adam? Are you still obsessing over his undeserving, sadistic ass?”
“Of course not. I barely see him these days.”
“Why are you drinking then?”
“Because I’m thirsty.”
