Hollow. My words made me feel hollow inside.
Adam gazed into the distance; his eyes fixed on something far away.
“Yeah,” he said with a sigh. “We’re going home.”
PART 2
Chapter 9
Back to Civilization
Adam
The ride to Smitsville was long and uncomfortable, but at least we were going back in a police car. There was no prisoner transfer vehicle for us this time. No convicts and armed guards. Just an officer in the driver’s seat, Jordan and I in the backseat, and deathly silence between us. And I… it was almost amusing how much I didn’t want to go home. My reluctance to return probably stemmed from the fact that I was about to lose my sleep token. It meant sleepless nights, weeks, and months for the rest of my life because my affliction didn’t have a cure. Still, it was my reality, and I had to accept it. It wasn’t as if I could ask Jordan to spend nights with me and then boot him out of my apartment come morning. I wasn’t that big an asshole, and besides, he would never agree to it.
Speaking of Jordan, he looked as glum as I felt. He didn’t say a word on our way back, probably because we almost died in that prison. If we had more time… eh, there was no point in dwelling on it. Now we had to concentrate on finishing what we started—finding Bull and putting him behind bars. I hated seeing Jordan so defeated, and I wanted to comfort him, but I feared it would open another can of worms. Namely, the kiss. Or better yet, kisses.
Jesus Christ. First, I couldn’t believe that I not only initiated the shower kiss but also suggested the second one. I kept ruminating on it since we left Grangetown, but I couldn’t come up with a logical explanation. I had no idea what came over me.I was frustrated with our progress, fed up with Crusher, and angry at Jordan because he provoked me in the shower. I blamed him for what happened there, but I couldn’t blame him for what happened after. The thing was, I wanted to know—I needed to know—if the shower kiss was as good as I remembered. And by saying “good,” I meant damn good, because I was reluctant to give Jordan the credit for the best kiss of my life. I wanted to convince myself that the shower kiss was a fluke, only to realize that the next kiss was even better. Hell, I got so hard, I was tempted to do something I would probably regret for the rest of my life. Luckily, a bunch of homicidal maniacs assaulted us, so I didn’t have to make that decision. Still, as I said to Jordan, none of it mattered. We were in an unnatural situation, so unnatural feelings and actions were to be expected.
Still, with all that being said, why did I feel like an asshole after leaving the police car and Jordan in it? Why did the curt nod that we exchanged seem inappropriate after what we had been through? Why did I feel the need to tell him that everything would be alright? But no. Better not to complicate things. Maybe we would get along better now after everything we’ve been through, but other than that, I saw no need for change. In fact, it would probably be better to keep the distance between us, all things considered.
After I got home, I spent a restless night tossing and turning in bed and telling myself that it was okay. That I was used to it. That I had no other option than a bullet in my brain because the sleeping pills weren’t doing it for me. When dawn came, I was exhausted, my head hurt, and I had a boner. I considered jerking off, but certain prison incidents were still too fresh, so I gave up on the idea. Instead, I squeezed the base of my dick and gritted my teeth because it fucking hurt.
“Ow and ow,” I muttered, breathing it out.
Bottom line, my dick hurt, my head hurt, and I felt miserable even before I set foot in the police station. When I got there, I was frustrated, late for work, and itching for a fight. I was checking my phone while entering the headquarters when I collided with someone. He didn’t watch where he was going either, too occupied with hanging a detective badge around his neck. When a scent of citrus reached me, I froze on the spot as an alarmed amber gaze met mine.
“Sorry,” Jordan muttered, blinking as if he was surprised to see me. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I said, gripping his arm because he seemed unsteady. “Are you okay?”
When he dropped his badge, which was still in his hand, we both followed its trajectory to the floor.
“No, um…” He bent down to pick it up, while I did the same. I was faster, but our heads bumped as we straightened up.
“So-sorry,” Jordan stammered, wide-eyed. “Um—”
“No, I’m sorry,” I said, clearing my throat. “Here’s your…”
I handed him the badge, wondering when I lost the ability to speak.
A few moments passed before we moved, only to collide while walking through the door.
“Shit,” Jordan mumbled, avoiding my eyes. “I apologize.”
“It’s fine,” I said, holding the door for him. “After you.”
“No, after you.”
“I insist.”
When we finally entered the room, one after the other, two pairs of eyes landed on us.
“Oh, you’re alive,” Buck said, biting into his greasy sandwich. “‘Sup?”
Maddox looked at Jordan, then at me, and grinned. “Well, shit.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I barked.
